"Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you."

Have you ever had a pervasive fear????  Maybe its a dumb fear, maybe its a really significant, mind altering, life changing fear that just won't let you live your life the way you want to live it.

I'm afraid of bees.  I mean, really, really afraid of bees!  Even this picture freaks me out because I am imagining the photographer standing really close to get this way too personal shot of this creature with a poisonous stinger that is about to wave in his face and jab him in the eye....

Okay, so maybe bees aren't my worst fear in the world, maybe there's other fears that make life really hard beyond the Springtime.  One such fear is the fear that I will make any boy's life boring and that he won't want to stick with me forever.  He will up and leave because I am boring, or too clingy, or too quiet, or too plain, or too serious, or too naggy, or too anxious, or not happy enough......

Oh man, that is scary!! Isn't it???  OH my gosh... HOW does one get over fears in their life???

Could they make bike helmets a little more flattering, please?

As many of you know, yesterday was a beautiful day in Provo.  I couldn't resist getting my bike out for the first time in months (since last Summer) and going for a little ride.

For about once a week last summer I took a ride from Branberry Apartments to Bridal Veil Falls and back on the Provo River Trail. It takes about an hour and a half or so, and you think you are never going to get there, but once you start getting into the part of the trail where its covered in trees, its like a whole new life breathes into you.

I love, love being in Heavenly Father's creations.  It's like I can finally see clearly again, even if its on a bike path where there are tons of people around.  (Of course, being out completely in them as in on a camping trip is always better...but I still enjoy it so much, whether camping or on a paved trail!)

I was tired after about 5 miles.  That is how out of shape I am.  I decided there would be no turning back, though, because I really wanted to make it to the falls.  I think round trip its about 18 miles.

(Does anyone know what this Orwell thing is about???)

When I got to work at 5, I was so incredibly exhausted!  I felt like such a wimp, and at the same time, very proud of myself for making it that far. I made sure I told my coworkers how tired I was haha....because I was definitely dragging!  I didn't even want to sit in a chair cause the chair was so hard and I was feeling nauseous, so I sat on the floor of the silverware room until I got a table.

How the Lord makes us see things differently, though.  I was sat a table with a father and daughter.  They had on matching T-shirts, so I thought I would ask them what their shirts were about.  They told me that they were coming to Los Hermanos to celebrate their bike ride they had just completed--it's called the Pony Express ride, and it covered 113 miles!  That put my little dinky ride into perspective.  And shut my bragging off completely. :)  I was so impressed with their endurance and strength, as it only took them 7 hours. That is an average of 16 mph, an unheard of amount!  On average, professional bikers go about 14 miles per hour.  This man was about 65 years old, and his daughter maybe about 23.

All in all, I am glad I did it and plan on going on it again, hopefully I wont get so sick this time!! :)

Bye Brother!

See this boy right here? That is my brother and he is going to Afghanistan in the next week to serve our country--for the second time in the last 2 years.

The boy who used to pick my nose and pin me down and pretend like he was going to spit on me.  The boy who would invade my room when I was a very private 12 year old and read my diary and play with my stereo.  Who would shriek at the top of his lungs for no reason but to make his sisters jump.  Who would jump off the roof just to see what it felt like.  Who would rescue any little creature that came around our house and beg my mom if he could keep it.  (Sometimes he wouldn't tell her at all, he would keep it in a little box under his bed and try to give it grass and water so it would stay alive)

Haha oh, my brother.  I wish you would CALL your family every now and then.

LOVE ya!!! Stay safe and we are praying for ya!

Minute to Win It

Can I say this show is so freakin' awesome???

Have you ever tried to play dumb games with yourself at home, like, OK lets see if I can kick my shoe off and land it face up on my table across my room.....3 times in a ROW!

Or, can I get this egg to roll across table by just waving a pizza box over it without touching it???

HA such an awesome show!!!

OK....Now what?

I was just reading through my friend Shine's blog. (That's her nickname--her real name is Cheyenne.) She was my roommate for about a year.  And what a sweet, sweet person she is.  And an AMAZING mother.  She has a very special ability to mother, and a very spiritual mind and always sees the best in people.

Me and my roommate Elaina were talking one day about her, and we said, you know what? She got married when she was 19.  That seems so young.  And we thought about how she didn't go on a mission.  But yet, we concluded, we thought a mission might just change her personality just enough to make her not who she is today--not that missions can do bad things to girls, by ALL means!  But she is, I have no doubt, exactly the way the Lord wants her to be, and exactly where the Lord needs her to be.

It made me think, alright, I am 26, still not married, waitressing, never served a mission, not even in grad school yet (though I've tried twice)--so, I keep praying to find out where MY niche is, since obviously at this moment it is not mothering. (Shine has 3 boys and one on the way!)  Her personality fit just perfect for what she is doing with her life.

I guess only time will tell. Maybe I'll find out when I'm, like, fifty.  Whatever it is, I hope I will be ready for it!  :)  As ready as Shine was to be a great Mom!

Grateful for my blessings.

1. Do you see this? We had our first home-teaching visit this week from our new home teachers. This is the "emergency kit" that they gave us.  I was so grateful to have home teachers that seemed to really care! (they even picked out cute bags. What guys can do that?!)  Those stickers are for us to track our scripture reading. He says if we read every day for two weeks they will make dinner for us. Haha!  I love the scriptures.  Love them.

2. Facebook.  Combined with family.  I love my family so much.  I was feeling so down the last few weeks, and couldn't figure out what was wrong.  When I got into this big fun ongoing conversation on facebook with my family, it felt like a little piece of home, and I was so comforted.  I guess even when you are 26 and have been away from home for..gosh...8 years now, you still get homesick.  I think that's the feeling that we get so often at this age, being alone and on our own.  I love them so much.

Courtney Caldwell 

WAT.....were we doing?

January 23, 2009 at 6:03pm · 

Danielle Justine Zimpel 

Isn't it obvious? You are angry and ashamed because you just realized you can't spell, and everyone else reacting. Your mom's saying, "Shhut up!", Kaitlin's going "duuuh" and Shayna is extremely angry, screaming, "WHAT?!! I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO SPELL BETTER THAN THAT!!!" heehee. j/k of course. I love you, Courtney!!

January 23, 2009 at 10:40pm · 

Shayna Kingon 

hahaah danielle i didnt even know you wrote that! lol! oh man for some reason i can totally see us saying those things....

August 17, 2009 at 11:20pm · 

Cyndi K Caldwell 

how do i get rid of this photo??

May 3 at 11:05pm · 

Cyndi K Caldwell 

eewww!

May 3 at 11:05pm · 

Cyndi K Caldwell 

SHAYNA....TAKE THESE NASTY PHOTOS OFF MY PAGE!! YUUUUCKKKK!

May 11 at 10:17pm · 

Christine Zimpel 

Okay, so I need a copy of this lovely family photo for my wall at home. Where can I get a copy (tee hee).

May 12 at 12:19am · 

Shayna Kingon 

oh geesh mother quit being dramatic.....if you hate it that much just detag yourself. but i am not taking it down.

May 12 at 8:54am · 

Shayna Kingon 

OH its so easy to get a copy let me tell you! just right click it, hit save as...and viola! There's no telling how many people have this picture on their living room wall. Probably even perfect strangers.

May 12 at 9:01am · 

Christine Zimpel 

I think there is not much point in telling your Mom to stop being dramatic. After all, drama was her major :) - Love you Cyndi!

May 12 at 9:19pm · 

Courtney Caldwell 

BAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!So true. You slay me.

May 13 at 1:50pm · 

Shayna Kingon 

haha aunt chris you are hilarious

May 13 at 1:51pm · 

Shayna Kingon 

and notice she hasn't removed her tag yet. I think she secretly loves this picture. It's her favorite one so she's trying to draw more attention to it.

May 13 at 1:51pm · 

Courtney Caldwell 

So....I'm putting this picture up on my wall. lol

May 17 at 1:40pm · 

Shayna Kingon 

OH good idea!! its our precious family picture, we should ALL use it for our profile picture!!!!

May 17 at 3:27pm · 

Courtney Caldwell 

Omg lets do it.

May 17 at 5:40pm · 

Cyndi K Caldwell 

Ha Ha. It is to laugh...Everybody's a comedian....

May 17 at 8:15pm · 

Cyndi K Caldwell 

Please take that old photo down. I'll bake you cookies.....(resorting to bribary...)

May 17 at 8:16pm · 

Cyndi K Caldwell 

I'm going to have nightmares for years....

May 17 at 8:17pm · 

Cyndi K Caldwell 

I'm always under attack....even on Facebook....no respect...

May 17 at 8:19pm · 

Shayna Kingon 

HAHA nice courtney :)

May 18 at 3:26pm · 

Courtney Caldwell 

Thanks shayna. =] You inspire me.

May 18 at 3:26pm · 

Shayna Kingon 

howcome kaitlin hasn't put it yet/? is she being the peacemaker here???????!!!!!

24 minutes ago · 

You dont have to read all that...I just had to put it up cause I loved it.

3.  Good friends.  The other day when I was feeling so down, someone at Church, who I NEVER expected, ,came up and put his arm around me for a second and asked how I was doing.  Sincerely.  I thought all he cared about was himself, and here I was, in a big slump, and that one gesture of kindness turned my whole heart around.  Instead of having ill feelings towards him, I almost started crying, just from his gesture of loving kindness, I felt not so alone.  So thank you!!!

4.  People in the ward who have so much enthusiasm.  I love it, you inspire me to become better.  I also love you genuine people. I loved Tamra's lesson today.  She has such a spirit of openness about her--not the kind that you see on talk shows and stuff, but she just seems like a down home, good Christian girl with simple and beautiful faith and a wonderful smile that comes from her heart and lifts those around her. You feel safe when you are around her. Thanks for being you, Tamra!!


5.  Callings. I love callings, they give me something to look forward to, something to think about besides the mundane of life.  And they give you an opportunity to work with and serve others.  I think I would be a hermit without a calling.

6. Other women.  "We need each other, oh how we need each other."  (Sister Hinckley, my favorite!)  It's so good we girls can all understand each other and the things that we all go through....yeah, you know what I'm talking about.  I could barely move this morning, and to just be able to relate to someone today about it, well, that made me feel so good. haha! Its crazy how even the most painful experiences can make us so much more grateful for life.  I felt so much more happy today, once the awful pains went away, it was like a wash of peace, a wash of love, a wash of gratitude swept over me.  Yeah, men, eat that.  It's great being a woman.

7.  My own weaknesses.  I am so glad I have them.  I've realized the last month or so, as Bishop issued me a challenge to pray every day to recognize my weaknesses and something I can work on for that day, that I really have a lot to work on.  I started to get really down on myself, started to hate myself haha.....until one night I was reading my scriptures and realized that's what the Savior is for, I don't have to do this life alone, I don't have to fix everything on my own and be perfect on my own--I can't.  And the Lord still loves me--even if I am imperfect.  Even when sometimes I feel like my own weaknesses drive others away and make others not like me so much sometimes--and that is so hard because I think that's when we need others the most. But I'm grateful that I had to kind of go through that--and maybe it was all in my mind, as I was extremely conscious of my weaknesses at that moment. haha.   It was a good reminder to lean on Him and to fix my weaknesses in His way--and sometimes that takes a lifetime of work and they aren't going to go away.  I am so grateful for that.

I could keep going but this is long enough as it is!!

Congrats, you made it to the end again! haha!

My Mom's Bra Burning on Facebook...

In case I'm not friends with you all on facebook, I had to post this.  My mom is such a fun lady, I love her.  She has had some bad experiences in relationships sadly--you name it, she's been through the worst a dozen times over!  And we all kind of grew up with it, too, as she finally got a divorce when I was sixteen--even then it was a huge adjustment for her and she hasn't had a boyfriend since, and now refuses to date or get married again.  Though I think she deep down is ready for it, she just needs to feel confident again!  But here is her statement, in response to several guys saying that there is a double standard out there--how oftentimes women expect things from guys that they themselves are not willing to comply with, and the guys are fed up...But here's what my mom had to say, and I think she makes some valid points:  


"Well, Jeremy, naturally you have disrespectful persons in both genders. Enhance your calm, Jeremy. :)) What I mean by disrespectful is in terms of status. Although the status of women has greatly improved over the last 100 years or so, there are still issues that we have to deal with; like the fact that women still make in salary, on the average, only 70% of what a man does for the same job; if a man and a woman both apply for an upper management position, or executive position, statistics tell us that the man will be hired first; many men still can't get past the idea that they need to "be in charge" and that is simply not true. Many women resort to debasing themselves into crude objectivity because somehow they believe that the men have the money, which gives them the power. In order to get what they need to survive, many girls/women feel that, sadly, this is the way to get what they need or want because somewhere along the line, someone or something convinced them that they couldn't get it for themselves any other way, or they are otherwise economically disadvantaged. It's one of the most tragic social and economic truths that we live with. In a relationship for example, both parties should be making decisions, and no "one" person should be making final decisions without consulting the other. And women who attach themselves to men who are disrespectful, usually have low self-esteem issues. The problem with that is, outside of uniquely personal experiences, most girls are raised, through specific socialization based on preconceived notions, and certainly the media, to consciously or subconsciously believe that we are supposed to behave a certain way, or to put the man's needs ahead of our own, to be ultimately self-sacrificing, to negate our own dreams and goals in favor of the man's, or that once we have children, our personal lives or dreams should become insignificant. How sad is that? Some of this is why many women may behave in a "viciously disrespectful" manner. If you back the cat in a corner, in a manner of speaking, she is going to find some way to fight back, even if it makes no sense to the poor guy she's unleashing her displeasure on. realize it's difficult for guys to understand how girls are raised for the most part, and you have my sympathy for that, but I think they need to be more aware, and hopefully, don't make the same mistakes with their own daughters. If a girl is raised to believe that, essentially, she has no power over some of these things in life, or to use her looks/body to get what she wants/needs in life, then of course many of them will react accordingly. So, yes. Disrespectful. But first we must teach our daughters to respect themselves. The only way to do that, is to empower them as they grow. (wow....did I just type all of that?? LOL!!)


Congrats, you have made it to the end.  ...Thoughts? 

Our Little Tour of Provo

OK Maybe not so much of a tour, but a MAD DASH to get pictures.  This was our "everyone has to have a colored tongue" picture.

"Everyone wear a different hat".  That one was a funny story--the lady at the above store got irritated at us, because she couldn't speak English, and all their hats were on the wall. So we asked if we could borrow some hats to take a picture. She had no idea what we meant, but she frowned at me and said "No. No picture!"  So we resorted to Rite Aid.  

For this one we had to find 3 random people we didn't know and take a picture with them.  

And then, of course, the ever-present Provo Engagements.  

                      

It is quite humbling when you have to always ask people to take pictures of your group doing crazy things, especially when you have to keep re-taking the one's like this, where everyone has to be in the air at the same time (yes, I am in fact 26 years old, why you gotta be a hater?):

And thanks, R, for climbing in the tree for us :)  

Take a picture with someone in a UNIFORM...

Take a picture with everyone wearing a different type of SHOE (I especially love the guys' choices!):

A member of your group doing exactly what the sign says:

And, finally, four members of your group "on the edge"!

Rodeos and Diamond Rio

One of my events I want to enjoy in life is to go to a Rodeo....maybe a lot of them :)
Another is to enjoy as many country concerts as I can.

Next month we are going to have BOTH in ONE WEEKEND close to Provo!!! HOW awesome is that???

Oh...And I got this swimsuit this weekend.  Accept I got a blue top and black bottoms.  I'm very excited....

When I got home I put it on, and wanted to try it out again just to make sure (sixty bucks..you have to be sure.) So I put a pair of underwear on underneath the bottoms and left the little plastic liner on them....

Then I went outside to sit by the pool just to try it out....

And decided I liked it, and jumped in the pool...got all the layers wet, including the white underwear underneath that I was praying no one would see.  Then ended up peeling off all those layers and the now wilted, nothing-but-paper and glue liner stuck on the inside of the bottoms.  Hahaha.....well, you can't exactly run back inside when the pool is right there, now can you???!!

Way. Too. Much.

So, I figured out that when I'm happy, I talk WAY too much.  WAY.  Too. Much.

And then when you get lots of sugar involved....aka a big slurpee from 711....

laughing happens a lot too.  And interrupting other people.  Way to much.

Combine that with the loud music of country dancing blaring in your ears so long that you cannot hear anymore and you have to talk really loud for about an hour afterwards to everyone around you....

well it just makes for a very interesting combination.

HAHA but its so much fun :)

PS AAAAAHHHHHH I found the CUTEST pair of shoes EVERRRRR at Ross today...but what did I do???? I walked around with them for about an hour....and then I discovered that I just couldn't get myself to spend the money! AAHHH!! OH they were SO CUTE.  Now I'm probably gonna dream about them and then I'll have to go buy them.  Or else I'll be dreaming about them. Way. Too. Much! haha

Change!

We all like a little variety in our lives, right???

Well, some of us, like me, usually end up spending money that we shouldn't to get that change, like buying that hot red pair of high heels that you can't wear more than an hour without killing yourself! But they are SO CUTE!!

Today I embarked on a very dangerous journey.  As my organizational and creative juices often flow long after the time of day they should begin, it is 11:16 and my room is in SHAMBLES because, why?  Well I decided to lower my bed...and go through all of my storage stuff to figure out what to take to the DI.

So here's what the new bed looks like:

I actually dont know if I like it!  I kinda liked it being up high....I'm deciding, I think when its lower it looks more homey...maybe those big ugly cinder blocks kinda take that feeling away.

That, and it eliminates a ton of storage space....

NOW what??? lol......

But I DID in fact find a MOST amazing thing in my digging!

Thank you Grandma! This was from when I graduated in 2008! HAHA! And that cool green bucket thing was also in the box..it saves to be a packrat.  ha!