On this rainy day in Provo (which happened to happen because I washed my car on Saturday), I sit in front of my computer pondering on what to blog about since I haven't blogged for quite some time. My roommate is in our vanity curling her hair and preparing for her dance test, and I am enjoying my day off. Speaking of days off, the best way to start a day, I've concluded, is by watching a horror movie. Then you can laugh about it all day and you won't go to sleep at night dreaming of dead gypsy ladies that vomit flies and worms, repeatedly, directly into your mouth. Not to mention aerosol nose bleeds...
Anyway, I digress. I got into a good discussion with a fellow employee the other day. He served his mission in Hawaii and was talking about the warmth and familial feel of their culture, and gave an example of a time he was stranded, lost, and knocked on a random person's door. This person welcomed him in with open arms and presented him food and water and a ride, and he said that ANY native would have done it. In fact, they would be ashamed not too. We then got to talking about the culture here in Provo, and the feeling of everyone being pitted against each other in one way or another. Take, for example, girls. Girls are already naturally competitive with each other, but put them in an environment where they are all competing not only for attention, but for the most IMPORTANT aspect of our religion and culture--MARRIAGE. What would a girl NOT do to get that man--it goes way beyond hair foofing, skinny jeans, high heels, perfume, and bleached blonde hair. Not to mention huge flowers, "vintage", flat shoes, and tall boots. Girls will manage survival on a few crackers alone, "No thanks I don't eat doughnuts". They go running at 6am eight times a week (I'm not even kidding, I see them all over the side of the road in the morning). They bleach their teeth whiter so when they smile that celestial smile, its a little bit brighter than any other girl.
To get a little bit deeper and to the point that I personally think is very unhealthy (besides eating disorders), girls, with extremely good intentions mind you, will try to be spiritually perfect in every way. Now, I really believe that this isn't a bad thing, especially if their intentions are more than just to catch a man that they think will be impressed (Which, sadly, I think definitely plays into some of it, but I don't think that is the main reason). They feel the need to always be happy, because a righteous person is a happy person. They are afraid to every have a bad day, to ever make a mistake (even though the entire gospel is based on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which will need to be used regardless-we are never going to make it without it), they look at other women who appear to be perfect and happy and flawless, and then they pit those seeming qualities against themselves, and the downward spiral of self-loathing begins. Since when did the Lord say that we ALWAYS have to be exciting, happy, bubbly, write like a scrapbooker, curl our hair in ringlets every day, take pictures at every activity (including those ones where you twist your mouth sideways and raise your eyebrows--you know what I mean, facebookers), never ever miss a Relief Society function, read our scriptures for an hour a day every day, attend the temple three times a week...you get my drift.
I loved the fireside on Sunday with Elder Ballard. He reminded us to keep the gospel SIMPLE. Simple. That's right. I am perfectly content, exceedingly more content and happy with life, when I remember the basics and stop trying to compete with everyone around me. No, I don't own a pair of skinny jeans. No, I didn't make straight A's at BYU. And Yes, I do know that about 75% of our Relief Society struggles with problems of anxiety and depression--and that is pretty typical of Utah, which has one of the highest rates of documented depression in the United States. Yes, the Gospel is true, and by abiding by its precepts and doctrines you will be happy--but you will be TRULY happy with life if you keep your focus on the simple things, the core of the gospel.
Besides, I don't WANT to be exciting to be accepted, that takes too much work. I want to be boring, librarian-ish, observant, and as a result, more apt to care about others on a deeper level. I'm almost 27, and rebelling against the rebellious years. You don't have to be perfect for me, I like you regardless. Even more-so. And I pray I don't have to be perfect for you. Love me anyways. (and for the record, the only reason I don't have skinny jeans is because I don't want to pay for them...boots, on the other hand..well...)
