This morning I've been pondering on life and the intrinsic value of true friends. I mean true friends, you know, the ones that stick around no matter what. The kind that books are made out of and that make you cry in movies because the scenes are so poignant and tender. Not that crying is an adequate yardstick for measuring good friends.....
What IS a good friend? What makes someone a true blue, through and through, through thick and thin, hardship and good times, kind of a person? Well, we all have those friends that are a lot of fun to be around, but when it came down to the nitty gritty, when you are completely being an idiot or a jerk or selfish or cannot give ANYTHING back in return for whatever tangible or emotional or simply neglectful reason, are they still going to sacrifice their time, their kindness, their thoughtfulness to make sure you are doing ok? If you ask them to do something for you, do they do it only when it seems like something fun for them? And do they have a good attitude about it or are they poopy, for lack of a better word? (I admit, I can be poopy sometimes. I think we all can...)
I heard once a quote from I believe an LDS General Authority that goes something like this: True love is the anxious concern for the well-being of one's partner. Granted, this was applying to a romantic situation, but isn't love the entire purpose of the gospel of Jesus Christ? It makes me think about my own situation and how good of a friend I am to people around me. Do I only do things for them when I know I will get something back? For example, do I do the dishes for my roommate when she is tired and anxious (and not in a mental state to need any more responsibilities on her plate) because I care about her and want her to have a moment of relief? Or do I do it because I love the attention of the "thank you so much! You are such a good person! (bowing at my feet)" or because it just happens to fit into my timeslot and my day is going perfectly so I have the emotional and physical reserves to do such a daunting task (besides, the mess was driving me crazy anyways) Do I go and visit someone that is completely out of my way, in a terrible time of day for me, when I am bogged down with my own problems, or maybe don't really have the money to go but they need someone to talk to? Do I have patience with the person who is accusing me or criticizing me? Do I look at myself and ask, "Gosh, maybe they have a reason they said what they said--should I be working on that quality a little bit more? Maybe I have been offending them and/or making their life awful." Do I LOOK for opportunities to show people that I care?
I think friendship is such a gift, not only to the person receiving it, but to you individually. It gives opportunities for us to learn more about how to love. It curbs our selfish desires, it shows us our weaknesses, and it fills us with a greater joy than we could experience on our own, having our own adventures and making ourselves feel fulfilled by various selfish uses of time, money, space, thoughts, emotions, etc.
We had this poem read to us at Church recently. It goes like this:
Six humans trapped by happenstance … in bleak and bitter cold.
Each one possessed a stick of wood, or so the story’s told.
Their dying fire in need of logs, the first man held his back,
For of the faces round the fire, he noticed one was black.
The next man looking cross the way, saw one not of his church,
And couldn’t bring himself to give the fire his stick of birch.
The third one sat in tattered clothes; he gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use to warm the idle rich?
The rich man just sat back and thought of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned from the lazy, shiftless poor.
The black man’s face bespoke revenge as the fire passed from his sight.
For all he saw in his stick of wood was a chance to spite the white.
The last man of this forlorn group did naught except for gain,
Giving only to those who gave was how he played the game.
Their logs held tight in death’s still hand was proof of human sin,
They didn’t die from the cold without. They died from the cold within.
The poem just made me think of friendships and what kind of condition our hearts are in. Because, well, that's the whole point of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and thats what families are all about, and as an extension, friendships and further, communities and cities and states and countries and cultures and the whole face of the earth. It starts with me and with you.
I am so glad to have such great friends. Thanks for all of your great examples to me, and I am going to try to be better. :)
-Shayna
