General Conference this weekend! I have to say I'm really looking forward to it.  There is something magical about Conference weekend. Now, I'm not one to not fall asleep at least once or twice, but I love hearing the words of living Prophets and Apostles (hello?? How lucky ARE we!), and getting answers to prayers at times, or learning something new and exciting that is coming up, like a new temple or a new mission being opened up in parts of the world where before it didn't ever seem to be an option (come on China, get on board :)  ) So maybe "magic" isn't the right word, but eager anticipation to hear the word of God.  It's exciting to know that God speaks to us today and gives us specific directions. It's exciting seeing His hand at work all over the world. It gives us hope that we aren't alone and that there is something better to look forward to.  It's great to know that we have a compass we can adjust our course to--because we all get a little off course and need some tweaking. I love the correction we get, it feels so GOOD to re-adjust the sails a bit. 

I hope you all are getting excited. :)

So many questions that need answered!

Man alive, it has been a hard week! Gah! 

Let me begin with all the stress and pressure I am feeling to decide whether or not to marry someone....and along with that comes many doubts, dark feelings, fears, moments where I wonder WHY am I even considering this??? What do I really feel?? Is this what I really want??   Then there are moments when old friends pop up out of nowhere and your heart is filled with joy talking to them, and you wonder, OK, is this really how I should be feeling all the time when I'm considering marrying someone? Am I making the wrong choice here??  

Then my mind reverts back to tough moments while we have been dating, but also to all the good moments that happen when we are open and honest with each other, when we have worked through things, when I have freaked out multiple times and he is always there to listen, and though he may be hurt and disappointed, he tries to comfort me and talk me through things in his logical yet caring way....but then I worry if I am totally honest with him all the time right now I am just going to hurt him a lot, so how much do I tell him and how much do I keep inside and deal with on my own?  He's definitely going to get hurt and maybe even mad if he hears about some of my doubts and what not, and I don't want that reaction....because I don't want to hurt him....I worry that we don't quite "gel" the way I have gelled with other friends.....but maybe that is just because of all of my fears and all the pressure of it ...

I think of past relationships, I worry that this marriage would turn out that way.  I worry that he won't fit in with my family, or that we will move far far away and I won't ever see my wonderful cousins, grandparents, parents, and siblings!  I worry that one day he wakes up and doesn't want to make me happy anymore. I worry that I don't have my heart in the right place either, that I will wake up and not care anymore, or that maybe I don't care enough..... I even worry because he is too nice to me...lol....it's like he tries so hard that its hard for me to always be open and what not because I am worried I will do or say the wrong thing and will just hurt him or make him mad.... I worry that all the pieces won't fit together right ...I worry that what if the Lord has something else in mind for me or for him?  

So much stress and pressure built up inside of me, I just want to curl up in a ball....

 

Oh this is so difficult!  How did you "know" it was the right one for you??  How did you know you weren't just settling or convincing yourself it was right??

Peter tries so hard. He is so good to me.  He's not perfect but I think he will make a great husband and father to whoever he marries....and he's done so much and can truly say that he's given it his all, even if I haven't all the time...I didn't even like him at ALL at first! ha!  I couldn't stand him!  

Don't you wish the answers would just plop down in front of you?? :)  Maybe an angel or something...please? Any free angels up there right now? I could really use your Heavenly inspiration! :)  

Surprise!

A lot has happened in the last month!

1.  Peter and I are dating again.....and its much better this time around! It's amazing what communication can do...

2.  Peter threw me a surprise birthday party.....lol that was a funny story.....OK, ok I guess I'll tell it...

A few days before my birthday, I told Peter I thought my roommates were up to something.  He said that Ashley had talked to him about maybe planning something, but not on my actual birthday--it would have to be maybe the week after.  So I thought, well, I still wouldn't put it past someone....

The day of my birthday arrives, and Peter asks me what I would like to do for my birthday. I have this buy one, get one coupon at Tucano's for the month of March (birthday present from Tucanos) so I figure, we may as well go there!  Peter agrees.  While I'm getting ready in the bathroom, I hear my roommates talking about vanilla and sugar, and I'm thinking...OK they are definitely up to something, but I'm going out to dinner.  Peter comes by about 7 to pick me up.  As we drive away, he notices that his oil light is on, so he says he needs to stop and put oil in his car. We stop, he oils up, and then we are on our way.  He then tells me, "Oh, dang it, I left my wallet at home."  (What?? Peter NEVER leaves his wallet at home. That's when I KNOW something is up.)  Right before we walk into his door, he gives me a big excited hug and a kiss and he marches me to the door.

"SURPRISE!"

I knew it. 

There were SO many decorations, pizza, candy, homemade popcorn stuff (dont even know what to call it), and a housefull of people.  Aw Thanks Petey!

3.  Peter MAY have proposed to me....

But I told him I'm not ready. lol....he's proposed at least 3 times in the last 3 days.  Peter, I'm not going to be ready the day after you propose....lol....