On Careers and Single-hood

So I THINK...think....I've found a good niche for myself in a master's degree....drumroll please.....Organizational Leadership and Human Resources.  (or MPA..pretty close)

This brings me to the original train of thought I had before beginning this post.  Well....back that train up, it actually started with a minor mental spasm and complaint as to why I'm 27 years old and in the middle of man-ville and still haven't dated anyone for about two years.  Maybe it's three now....I lose track of time sometimes.  Anyway,  this isn't a complaining type of post, but being that my single-hood has forced me into taking other paths of life (or at least this is the conclusion I am coming to--I can't stay in Provo forever and hang out with college students) I'm realizing why girls who are my age and still single are the way they are.  Well, it isn't that we are putting marriage and family on the back burner for a career, not at all.  It's more like, marriage and family isn't happening at ALL right now, so why not make the most of  your life and continue on with more education and a higher paying career?  It isn't about the money, but there's no way a person can buy a house on $10 an hour.  (OK, I admit, if you aren't getting satisfaction from taking care of others, meaning--your husband and kids, you may as well get satisfaction of achieving success in a career.)  There's no way an individual can get a car, finance an education, put money away for future endeavors (you know, kids' college, a mission, etc.) , save up for retirement--which lets face it, we all are going to end up doing at one point or another--without working for it.  I don't have a husband that is supporting me (and even then it will be really difficult--if near impossible--to save for all of that on just one income in today's society--don't get me wrong, I don't want to work when my kids are growing up, at least not full-time.  And I'm not a gold-digger.)  And honestly, a huge part of me feels like I'm giving up on the whole marriage thing--maybe a little bit bitterly, but not really in a self-centered kind of hurt way, but more of a "well, I guess I just have to shift my focus" kind of thing while still having hope (which I must admit has been put on the way back burner....sigh..that's just it, you start to lose hope, but not your will to be in a happy situation.)  OK let it be known I'm not having a pity-party, just stating the truth of why women, even women in the Church, may be shifting focus a little bit.  What else are we supposed to do?  I LOVE nurturing.  I LOVE family. More than anything.  I WANT to give my whole heart to someone and make their life amazing.  But......its ok.  Attention must be shifted, for everything there is a season.  And now I suppose the Lord wants me to focus on other things, and that is ok.  And I don't judge women who do that anymore.  :)  

So...I'm thinking seriously about moving back home to California, as I have been thinking this for a couple years now, but this time I'm serious....in August....staying home, being with family, working and saving money for grad school for a year.. and then going to grad school in either California, Arizona, or Texas.  This is the plan.  I am terrified beyond all reason.  But what else am I to do??? If you have any more suggestions let me know.  :)  (PS...dating in San Fran from what I understand is virtually non-existent, but I don't see the situation as being any different than here....minus the social atmosphere....) Oh this is becoming a very tough decision!!  

My Sister is a MOM!

You have no idea how relieved I am to finally be going home.  It's not that I'm not having fun here, its that my sister just had a BABY!  on MOTHERS DAY!!  Pictures soon to come!

It's so hard to believe my little sister is a mom now.  She's 7 years younger than me, and I sure see a big difference in her maturity level since she got married and went through pregnancy.  Now I get texts from her almost daily stating how wonderful it is to be a mother.  I must say, part of my heart pangs a little bit every time I hear that, because I would love to have that experience.  But I guess if my heart didn't pang, I would be worried that I didn't have those natural and beautiful desires to nurture one of my own.  Think about what a miracle it is just to be a mother!  Heavenly Father really created a masterpiece in the human body--our own bodies can create something that will be around forever!  Not just a rock or a drawing or a delicious meal, but a living, breathing, thinking, feeling thing that can learn, grow, progress, and do great things!  How cool!! :)  And to be a mother, wow what a responsibility!  Because you are the guiding hand as that little being grows to influence them to make good choices and to show them a good way.  

Thank you, Moom, for being such a loving influence in my life.  I love my mom!!  And I love my sister.  :) 

Motivation to Keep Growing Hair....

Alright, so I've been thinking how cute pixie cuts are....and then I decided to get on Mary Kay and do one of their virtual makeover things to keep me from cutting off all my hair. And This is going to be my motivation, because long hair is way cuter and haaayyy girrrllll!! Anything to make me not look like a man!

Anyways..My life has been work, come home, work out, relief society stuff, maybe play somewhere and somehow.....and go to sleep and get to work and try to stay awake all day long.  I've been getting super sleepy, its so hard for me to stay awake during the day.  Weird, maybe I need to go to a doctor or something, cause I'm getting at least 6-7 hours a night. That shouldn't make me fall asleep all day.  Hmm..

What else?  Oh yes, I want to go see Supercross tomorrow...anyone interested???!! 

Just a Catch-Up!

Yeah...It's been awhile. I guess I haven't had much motivation to blog because, well, I don't know whose reading this and sometimes I don't really have anything profound to say......you know, seems like most people's blogs have some kind of "theme" or whatever..and this one is just kind of...blah....whatever I want. Ha.

I will say I've been learning lately the value of not "hanging out".  Hanging-out becomes this cycle that never changes.  As much as I love my guy friends, if they don't make any moves, well, neither of us is going to get anywhere, so why should we keep building close friendships with people if nothing seems to come from it?  I can think of a few guy friends that I've gotten into this rut with.  So, basically, I decided to remember my friend's advice when she said "Date me, or leave me alone."  After all, you can't just keep being non-committal, getting your emotional "fill" without any "density" (its like eating fast food when you run in, get what you need from someone, then run out), and expect your life to change for the better.  Oh no.  That just doesn't work.  So I'm changing my attitude and keeping my priorities in the right place and looking for and GOING for the kind of guys that are actually what I want in the long run (the more committal kind)--and having enough guns to stick it through until its apparent that it really isn't a good situation for both parties.  (and hopefully I can find a guy like that too!)

Secondly, I got a new calling. Wahoo....How I got myself into this I do not know but I really hope that I can be there for the Lord in whatever way I'm needed.  It's kind of overwhelming, but I'm getting really excited about it and it will really stretch me and help me to become a better person if I allow it.

Thirdly, I have not been working on my days off because, well, this calling has been kind of draining for one, and for two, I'm realizing how important keeping balance in your life is.  As much fun as it is to have more money, its really nice to not be stressed out all the time from working 6 days a week.  But man...that money sure is tempting.....so I may still do it every so often because my job ENDS at the end of May! Ah! If you know of any good jobs, let me know. :)

Umm.....some pictures just to keep you happy.