Solitude

I have always been one to appreciate solitude, but lately I think it has been more important to me. I believe that everyone needs time to just stop and be alone for awhile. It isn't a depressing thing and doesn't mean there is something wrong, but rather, it is a time to rejuvenate ourselves and come closer to the Lord. Even the Savior spent much of his time alone, whether in the wilderness or on a mountain. It is hard to give of ourselves when we are not sure who we are anymore--sometimes we just need to get away from people and connect with ourselves and with the Spirit.
And I've also been thinking a lot lately about the balance of giving of ourselves and giving to ourselves. Those who are trying to live more Christ-like lives tend to try to focus their energies on the people around them, especially in sacrificing and having charity. This idea extends to other people in our ward, other people in our family, and to our spouse. I like the quote found from "How to avoid marrying a jerk" that I heard in Institute the other night: "Find your life by centering on yourself and you will lose it. Lose your life by centering on your partner and you will find it."
I think there is a notion where couples get worried about how much time they are supposed to spend on or with their spouse, and how much time they are supposed to spend on doing things that they want to do by themselves. As I have learned in many classes as well as in Church, it is important to pay attention to the needs of one another, yet it is also vitally important to spend time doing things that we love to do and cultivating our own talents and not expecting ourselves or our spouse to devote every second of the day on the other person. This way, when you do come back together, you will both have something more to give to each other and to the relationship. This is not to say that we are supposed to just drop them and be selfish, or go out and date other people, or put yourself in tempting situations or situations that make it appear that you are single, nor does it mean that we shouldn't expect our spouse to care about us always. After all, as we have heard several times "Love is the anxious concern for the well-being of our companion" (or something like that..I'm not sure who said it). But healthy marital relationships are a delicate balance of autonomy and dependency. I for one love spending time doing my own activities (whether alone or with others)--exercising, reading, learning, observing--and when I take this time for myself, I have a lot more energy to give to the people that I care about. Sometimes I even find solitude when I am with someone or in a crowd of people--I just get quiet and reflective, and it doesn't mean I am mad or upset. I always appreciate friends who don't mind my quiet moods and who I can just sit and be quiet with and still feel like we have connected even though we haven't said a word. I'm sure we all appreciate that!
And I am not just making this up out of my own head, but these are things that I have learned at BYU. Good luck in your quest to find the right balance! Remember that each couple will need time to adjust to this, and that is why the first few years of marriage are sometimes kind of rocky--it doesn't mean you are with the wrong person, or that they don't love you because they just need some time to do their own thing, but just have patience and communicate and things will work out eventually. Don't worry, you still love each other. ;)