So I was talking to a girl in my ward a few days ago, and she has got herself into a little relationship. Exciting huh? Well, feeling head over heels over someone is always exciting. Who doesn't want to have their heart aflutter with feelings of affection? However, after listening to her story, I got a little bit frustrated with the situation. For one, they have been dating for FOUR MONTHS and the guy only asks her out once a week....as in, they only see each other once a week. They haven't even held hands. She texts him and he doesn't respond for HOURS. She has days where she just cries and cries. He lives around here, so there is no good reason. Yes, he is a vice principal at a school, very successful, very confident, a great guy in many ways, but he hasn't had a relationship for probably ten years. So being the 31 year old man that he is, and she being the 24 year old woman that she is, he has had a lot more time to establish himself as a very independent, and shall I say, a bit selfish of a person..though I am not ragging on him here, but come on dude. She sacrifices everything--she would drop anything she was doing to be with him. ANYTHING. Trust me...She said even just being in the room with him makes her happy--she told him that he doesn't even have to pay attention to her, just as long as she is there with him. (???)
So ladies, it is important to be patient of course, but I believe that we all have the right to be seen as the most important thing in our man's life, and vice versa. If you really love someone, it isn't about being dragged around in the waiting game. It isn't about sacrificing so much of who you are just to become an empty vessel being conveniently used by someone else who isn't giving you the time of day. He, in all honesty, probably doesn't even realize he is doing it, but it is no excuse--relationships take time. They take SACRIFICE. They take awareness of each other, SAYING "I love you", ACCEPTING compliments and giving them, breaking down the walls of your heart and giving of yourself. It's all about making those decisions, and being committed to them. Oh how much happier we would be if we were willing to do those things for someone else!
Like I said, I am not trying to tear this boy apart, because he really is awesome in many ways. Just trying to get across some principles of good relationships!
2 comments:
Well said, Shayna! I think this message needs to be promoted more often because I see this situation all the time. It's hard to understand it when you are the one in the relationship sometimes but your advice is perfect.
I agree - the guy does need to grow up and actually invest himself in and sacrifice for someone if he wants a good relationship. Selflessness is key, and it sounds like he needs a wake up call. But I also think the girl needs to move on. She needs to stop holding on to something that's really not there. It's clear he's "just not that into her." She needs to tell him "date me or leave me the heck alone!" and then let him know what "date me" really means. She deserves more respect and admiration from her man.
And I love that you blog about this :)
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