Confidence.

Growing up, I was always that kid who shrunk in the corners and let everyone else shine their light away, thinking they were attention hogs, and that if I were to do the same thing I would be shunned by everyone around me because, lets face it, I am prettymuch a dork and oftentimes worried how I came across to other people, and what if I were to make a mistake--which was inevitable given my inherent lack of social skills, or "coolness" as it was called back in the 90's. :)

Well, I am here to tell you, as a 26 year old woman, I still have that lurking fear, however, it is definitely a lot less prevalent as I have learned that life is so much more full and enjoyable when I stop thinking so much about pleasing the people around me in the attitude of gaining acceptance. Because, lets face it, there will ALWAYS be a critic out there, and it isn't my problem that they are that way, it is their own problem, and if they are going to think those things then they are going to have a very unpleasant life.

One summer long ago, me and this boy broke up. That is one long story, but given my very reticent personality and desire to please everyone, combined with his rough edges and sharp tongue, that relationship ended. I eventually found myself coming back to BYU and not caring a lick about what anyone thought because for a year and a half I had been told all the things that were wrong with me and I had been walking on egg shells. Now, I do not tell this story as a downer, but as a GREAT lesson that I felt I gained from it. I moved to Provo and found myself in an amazing ward with great leaders. My bishop asked me one day, "It's hard for you to get out there and talk to people, isn't it?" (I was still the same person, but now with an attidude haha) "Yes," point blank, it terrified me. "I have a challenge for you," he said. "Reach Out."

That's it, that is all it took. I took his challenge to heart. I started reaching out with little baby steps, talking to the girl next to me at church, telling so and so her shoes were cute, etc. As I began focusing less and less on myself and more and more on others, I found a great confidence in my ability to interact with people, and not only that, I found that people actually enjoyed being around me. And I found that I enjoyed being around them, as well, and didn't want to hole myself up in my room anymore. I was actually happy, and realized how depressed I had been. My life finally took on new meaning, and just by those two little words, I feel like my entire perspective of others has changed.

I believe this is a quote from Elder Holland:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I promise you that as you take the opportunity every day to "reach out", that you won't have to fear anymore, because your motives are purely to bless the lives of others by being an instrument in God's hands. Seek for His help as you do this. I don't like to sound preachy, but this really is the truth, and I know I have a lot of shy friends out there. As you reach out, you gain more of a realization that you can do great things, and as you keep pushing yourself forward in reaching out, you can accomplish those great dreams you have that maybe you feel you are inadequate to accomplish. You have so much to offer the world, now get out there and be something for someone! :)

My sister is getting married.

In case you didn't know, my sister Courtney is planning on getting married in July. My. Sister. Is. Getting. Married.

I am very happy that she has decided to take the temple route. It's been wonderful watching her become active in the Church again, and wonderful that this guy won't settle for something that isn't a temple marriage.

I have to say, though, as her sister, it is so strange watching her get married. She knows nothing about married life, being nineteen and still connected to my mother's account, still living under our mother's roof, never went grocery shopping by herself, never lived on her own, thinks she can plan a wedding on eight hundred dollars and have everything she wants included in it....I worry. ha. She hasn't talked about financial things with her fiance, they don't have a place to live, she hasn't finished high school....nor has she actually dated him in person, only over the phone. Yikes... my inner Marriage and Family Scholar is screaming.

All I can say is that I pray every day that things will work out for the best for her. She has so much love in her heart, so much compassion, SO much FUN, and if I were a guy I would want to marry her. :) I have no doubt that the Lord is aware of everything.

Well, at least the temple is free :) And that is the most important part of the day. Oh boy here we go...next four months are going to be fun ;)

The Coming of Spring!

I feel like every year when the sun finally comes out again and the world de-layers a little bit and thaws during a perfect Sunday nap under the window of a beautiful day, that I can finally breathe again. I breathe, I play, I sing, and then I get so full of excitement that I can hardly contain myself! Does anyone else have that problem? So much laughing...it's like my happy emotions that have been pent up all winter just spill all over the place! ha.....its a problem really.....

Then I turned 26 and realized I should probably start acting like a grown up...especially when my roommate says, "I can't believe you are 26. You don't look 26...and you don't act like it either."

HAHA! So heretofore is my goal to act like a grown up... :) lets see how long that actually lasts. Maybe I'll get a real job for once. ;)

(then again, I was always one of those kids who took life way too seriously and didn't know how to play..maybe I'm just catching up...maybe when I'm 90 I will have regressed enough to be back in diapers and drooling on myself....)

Oh I love the Spring! :)

So, Are You Going Out to Eat?

Did you know that even though the economy is down, people still go out to eat? (which is totally cool...yet understandably expensive) I highly recommend doing this, as it is like a breath of fresh air.

Did you know that when you go out to eat, your server is busting his or her rear end to get everything out to you in a timely fashion, oftentimes having to prepare certain specialty items such as desserts, drinks, etc, not to mention dishing out whatever the complementary appetizer is, along with taking care of several other tables and keeping each order straight, each individual customer's drink topped off, and keeping all the chips neatly swept off the floor in their section as well as keeping cups, napkins, pitchers, soda, straws etc etc etc well stocked in the back of the bar between talking to customers and running to the kitchen?

Did you know how often servers have leg cramps, back aches, cracking/bleeding hands from scrubbing tables with bleach water, nasty crap spilled all over them, not to mention getting yelled at by managers and treated bad by customers and sacrificing each weekend night (as well as several weekday nights) and lots of clothing because everything they wear ends up stinking like the restaurant? Then there are those nightly reoccurring dreams of the cramped and crazy restaurant, where no order comes out on time, where customers are yelling and where you are getting triple sat...and for some reason you just can't get to the tables because there is so much going wrong in the background....and then you wake up in a cold sweat and realize it is that same old dream coming back again.....

Did you know that your server here in Utah only makes $2.13 an hour? Yes, my friends, it is very true. Less than half....heck, less than a third, of minimum wage. And the manager never pays you extra if you don't make minimum wage with your tips, which happens more than you realize. The restaurant business is definitely slowing down, which limits the amount of money a server makes, as they work 4-5 hour shifts and oftentimes only make maybe $15-30 in that amount of time in tips during the weekdays, and maybe $40 on weekends.

I love serving, it is really honestly fun. I am not complaining in the least. However, there is a looot of junk we have to put up with as servers. So I am going to take a moment to encourage you kind yet incredibly frugal LDS and non-LDS alike persons to tip your server at LEAST %15.

I realize that Elder Hales taught us at Conference the importance of living within our means. However, part of going out to eat is giving a tip to your server. If you cannot afford at least a %15 tip, then just don't go out to eat! Its really part of the expense. I'm sorry this sounds so harsh, but really, those people depend on you for their pay. It's sad to say, and unfair to the customer to have such a burden placed on them (and if I were a legislator in Utah, I would make it illegal to pay a server less than minimum wage as base pay) I like to think of it as this: You are literally paying that person to be your servant for the time you are at that restaurant.

Here is a good rule of thumb: A $5 tip for two people is a good amount, if you can't figure out the fifteen percent. Or if the two of you order a lot of food or specialty items such as drinks, by all means, tip $7-10. You will totally make someone's day, and who knows, maybe help them to get their rent payment in on time. :) And if you bring all your kids in and they make a big mess, it doesn't matter if you are all sharing plates of food to keep down the cost, please tip at least $10-15. Oftentimes a server may only get about 4 tables during their shift (especially at lunch), which for a 4 hour shift, and at an average of $5 a table (which is honestly rare, its usually about 2.50), do the math.

Enjoy your next trip to the restaurant, and please, remember, you are literally paying that person for their job! :)

So. Freakin'. Funny.

Yeah, so you have to watch this.....this has become the running joke of me and my sister for like....a month. And I don't think it will ever go away.

Meh.....

I like that word, "Meh"...its so good at describing things.  It can be used in so many ways...How are you feeling today? "Meh...."   "So how did you like that song?"  "Meh....."

And that is how I realized I feel about that boy I was talking about in my earlier post--you know, the perfect one. I noticed the other day he was doing nothing but complain.....which, I understand is totally cool at times, but when it ends up being about so many things, it gets real old real fast.  I like to be with people who know how to complain without getting a bad attitude, because I think I hold too much back sometimes so I appreciate honest people, but I mean, this was definitely getting old.

So, meh....that crush is over.

And that, my friends, is how I burn through so many men.  hahaha....oh dear.

Complimentary Colors

I've found myself in several dating situations within the last couple of years that have made me think. Dating is probably where I do my most poignant innermost probing.  But it was only until the last couple of months that I have realized the one situation that tends to resurface frequently--that one situation you try to put your finger on but can't understand why something about it makes you feel not quite right, and there really is no reason as to why you shouldn't be interested in this individual--after all, you have a lot in common, they have great values and will treat you well, and there is nothing especially wrong with their personality that would be a red flag.  And oftentimes the situation of dating this individual came about by some common friend setting us up or saying something--I probably never would have even thought of him otherwise.

 Many artists learn early on the principle of complementary colors.  Complementary colors are colors that are opposite each other on the color wheel.  When put next to each other, these colors tend to make the other color appear brighter.

 I've realized, for myself and my particular situations. this feeling of blah, or something is missing and I can't quite put my finger on it,  resurfaces each time I am dating someone who is very much like myself.  And lately, I have understood the importance of the principle of finding someone who complements your personality--not someone who has the same personality as you.

In observing guys that I find myself interested in--my senses are peaked and my joy brightens around the boy who has the qualities that I always wanted to have in myself, but which qualities the Lord did not endow me with.  Or perhaps someone with qualities that I never would have thought that I would like.  This boy naturally exudes these things as if they were a part of him from the very beginning.  And on the flip side, I myself will have qualities that he is lacking--not because of any personality glitches or sense of disobedience or unworthiness and rebelliousness necessarily--just a natural flow of who he is.  As a result, we both find the other person interesting, fun, and a marvel to be around, because they are unpredictable to us.  It makes life so much lighter and more fun!  (Not just for me but for him, as well!)

All colors are beautiful.  But one with a trained artist's eye can see that certain colors work better together to brighten a picture and keep it more lively and moving, so to speak.  Each color has its own complement, and though two colors may seem to match well, there are tricks artists use to keep a painting visually intriguing, which allows their message to come through clearer because the observer is so very enthralled by the very essence of the colors.

So friends, thank you for your thoughtful ideas on setting me up, it is very kind of you to try to help me to find someone.  I've just realized however that maybe someone I ought to be set up with is someone no one would ever suspect :)

Old Pictures from my Phone....OOdles of memories!

I came across a few treasures today!  I can't figure out how to get the other pictures off my phone that were downloaded to the actual phone.....so if you know let me know!!!

4th of July at Will's apartment.....this was a few months after David and I broke up....and he came and it was good to see him, and his sister came too and it was good to see her. Oh good times. And there was lots of chicken and no utensils. Ha! 

                                                      

And this was another one of Kleresa's forgetting a carbonated beverage in our freezer again.....you would think she would learn. Haha!

This was a motorcycle I was in love with and wanted to buy but I didn't have any money. My dad was surprised cause it was a street bike...what can I say...I have a wild side. 

Ashley and Keith come out of the temple all sealed!! Yay!  And their photographer wasn't there....lame....so we were all taking pictures with whatever we had!!  :)  

This was the Provo temple in the Fall. Just goes to show, Provo does have seasons besides Winter!  It is so beautiful in the Fall, and I love love love the temple!  

First picture:: The bay bridge when I went home! 2nd:  Me discovering I could do cool things with my camera on my phone...and that is my mom being a good sport lol.....and the third picture I was trying to ask my sister what shoes I should wear for this meet n greet thing where there would be lots of boys! haha! I always send her pictures to get her advice! It's great, I love photo messaging!  

And this, again, is the Provo temple! Love it.  

Massive Ward Twister

For FHE this week we had a massive--I mean massive--twister mat we rented from Outdoors Unlimited. (That place is amazing for ward activities.)  It was a blast watching everyone and how twisted they got!

We made them pair up with someone and they had to tie their hands to each other and their legs. Ha!

This picture is blurry but it had the best shot of what it kinda looked like:

                                      

                                     

Tara helped me call everything out cause she is MUCH louder than me! ha!  Thanks Tara you are AWESOME!

                                      

And the best part....... GREEN RICE KRISPIES TREATS!! Yeah, Kyle, we got it. Uhh! 

And despite spending all night getting ready for FHE and not starting on cleaning checks until about 11. (Ok, maybe The Bachelor had something to do with it, too)...and only working for about 2 1/2 hours on them......(instead of the usual 5-6 hours and then still failing...)

                                              

That, my friend, is  a good day.