Parenting! AAH!

The last four weeks I have worked on the Children's unit at the hospital nearly every day.  I LOVE working with the Children. They are cute, they say the funniest things, they run up to you and hug you, they tease you, they say things as they are ("Your hair is messy today!"), they ask you about your love life (haha..not that I ever tell them), you have chances to help them change their behavior around for the better, race the down the hallway with them....I could go on.  And now I am collecting a growing pile of doodlings, crafts, and fun memories...

(one of the kids made this for Valentine's day! HAHAHA!)

The thing about these kids, though, is that they get away with all kinds of crap outside of the hospital that WE are supposed to NOT allow so that they can change their behavior.  For example, maybe they are too intrusive in people's personal space.  They bully, they bite, spit, pee on the walls, are controlling, beg you for attention constantly, have huge mood swings, a few of them are autistic....so you can't exactly be that laid back kind of person that can trust them without having to listen to every word.  You must be constantly vigilant, follow through with all the rules, punish them accordingly , pay attention to twenty kids at once, and still keep your head on straight without becoming the town task-master or punisher.  The power struggle is really, really hard sometimes!  I feel like all I ever do is tell them to stop doing stuff.  It's really challenging to build relationships of trust with them.....

It's making me remember my parenting class with Dr. Nelson at BYU. He gave us a little piece of advice once, something to the effect of changing your parenting mindset from being a REACTOR to situations to someone who thinks ahead and is more of a BUILDER--a foundation former so to speak.  

My problem is this:  I feel like I am either the reactor, or a pushover!  I haven't learned yet how to lay down the law without losing their trust that I do in fact care. (It would help to have this there because then when I would tell them to stop doing something, they would more than likely stop a little easier.) One kid was upset today because I was his watch "AGAIN??!!"  haha....Im SORRY OK??!!! lol.  One little girl I was watching ran over to tell on some other kid to another tech because I "just wasn't paying attention!"  (huh? lol)  So I spent time with these kids playing war with origami paper....watching them draw pictures....and yes, standing back and taking a breather sometimes.  

Oh man, I'm realizing how difficult and consuming parenting really is.  I'm not even a mom yet....but man, it takes a LOT of dedication, I mean, even minute by minute, to kids in order to do your job right!  It's like I'm not even allowed to mentally zone.....and I'm realizing just how often I mentally zone.  I could zone for hours. haha...it helps me to deal with life.  It's probably a habit I've gotten into as a single person--lots of ME time.  I mean like hours a day!  But, no zoning allowed in parenting apparently....How do you guys DO it?!!