Do you ever think about the future and where you want to be and what kind of a person you want to be? I often think of these things, especially concerning what kind of wife and mother I want to be.
There is a phrase in my patriarchal blessing that I always thought was ludacris in some ways. Not to sound sacreligious, but I never thought it pertained to me. It says "avoid the enslavements of Satan". I've never had a problem with alcohol, drugs, pornography, or anything addictive (accept maybe sugar. ha) , so I never understood why that phrase was in there. But now that I am older and developing habits that I've realized have been there for awhile, I realize this can pertain to many other things besides sex, drugs, and rock and roll. For instance, how much time do I spend on the computer? Facebook? How often do I check my phone for texts? I check my gmail about 50 times a day in hopes that there is something new from someone. These things you wouldn't think are problems, but when you become so dependant on that high of getting attention from someone, or finding out something new about one of your friends (i.e. the gossip of facebook), how comfortable are you in saying that you have no addictions, or that you are not enslaved in some way? How often do you turn to the internet for entertaintment? And outside of the internet, maybe some people have this need to constantly be thrilled in life. I hate to say it, but family life was never a day-to-day thrill for me. It was more of a slow-moving stream. So when we get to that point where we have a family, is it going to be difficult to find joy in that famly every single day if it is nothing but the same old thing, especially if we are used to really high highs?
I used to be frusterated with my mom because she would get so distracted on either the internet or in a book. She would be gone. We would say, "Mom! Mom! Ryan is jumping off the roof again!" and not until he was hobbling in bloody would she jump up and freak out and wonder how he got to that point. I completely understand the need to escape, but how often do we let that interfere with life? Goodness, I am doing exactly the same thing that my mom used to do, and I don't even have kids! (Not to criticize my mom, I love her very much with all my heart!)
Anyway, these are just some thoughts. I guess I better look at my life a little bit deeper and figure out what things need to change in order to be a better wife and mother. Like, what sacrifices am I willing to make to get to that point? What am I willing to give up? Maybe I am addicted to the social life of being single, of having all the free time in the world, of music that pounds in the ears and makes you want to dance, of spending my money on no one but myself, on not having to plan things out or take in the needs and desires of others? I must say I really enjoy my quiet and clean bedroom and my "me" time. I enjoy not having to report to anyone or share ME--either time, efforts, or what is truly going on with how I'm doing or feeling. I don't LIKE being that way because I'm not happy--I am grateful my roommates help me out with that one. I'd like to think that once the right guy pursues, I will become this way--because why should I share my innermost self with just anyone when I'm not permanently attached? :) Maybe my expectations of life are not quite realistic. Not that its impossible to have fun once you are married, for goodness sake, if I'm not having fun then I'm not doing something right :) But MAYBE some of the things I do would make it difficult for my spouse to be happy--and for me to be happy too.
In all honesty, I am getting pretty tired and ready to just settle down and find that lasting joy in life. I guess this is why I'm thinking, Alright, what is stopping me? And what would make my husband's life and children's life awesome? I may as well keep working on improving so that when I get there I will be that much more ahead of the game, and my husband and children will be that much more happy. Of all things in life, this is one of my greatest desires, to have a blessedly happy, stable family.
For those of you who are married, I pose a question--What seem to be the most difficult things that you have had to face as a couple as far as personal habits go? (Besides serious personal sins...we don't need to get into that because we don't want to embarass anyone!)
3 comments:
you know mine says something like that too, it cautions me about the word of wisdom and i was SOOO confused bc that was always my strong point. and then one day i realized. that involves healthy eating, exersize, etc. it's so nice when people recognize those things.
and ok it's only been 1 month and 1 day but for us it's been the internet. Matt is an entertainment junkie, he loves to find out how the movies are rated and what the critics have to say and the box office stuff, you know? and so before when he'd sit at home with nothing to do, he's online for hours-IMDB.com-and now we've worked it out so we know what is too much. for both of us. plus facebook-it's addicting
My husband is so good at adjusting to things, but I'd say the hardest thing for us has been how we spend our money (this is a typical one, I think). I had been on my own for about five years before we got married and I had a very hard time adjusting my spending. My husband is a really good saver, but sometimes has a hard time spending money on fun things and so it's been an adjustment for both of us.. and being married only three and a half months, we're still working on it. Good for you for preparing for marriage before it happens. I wish I'd have spent more time doing that sometimes. It just kinda sneaks up on you.
Also, thanks for this post. I really enjoyed reading it. :)
Oh the adjustment from single-hood to couple-hood. Such a huge change.
The other two comments are really great. One I'd like to add is a social adjustment. My husband is more of a home body - he enjoys being home and after a long tiring day working he just wants rest and peace and quiet. Me on the other hand? I love to go go go. When I was single every night I was out doing something/playing. I always had plans and enjoyed getting out and about. But I realize it's not healthy to be constantly on the go or getting to bed 12 or 1am every night, but then there is this social side of me that craves interaction with more people, while Craig is comfortable with just himself and me. So in the end I now go to bed by 10pm with him and he goes out more than he would like. Changing those habits of how we spend our time and interact socially has been a small and gradual adjustment - I think it one we'll always have to work on. I think it's important to really be considerate of your spouse and recognize their needs. But don't push yourself or your spouse too far, take gradual steps to overcoming personal habits and changes. I also think it is very important to keep your identity in your relationships as a friend, spouse and parent
I love that you think of these things now - so wise.
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