Man alive, it has been a hard week! Gah!
Let me begin with all the stress and pressure I am feeling to decide whether or not to marry someone....and along with that comes many doubts, dark feelings, fears, moments where I wonder WHY am I even considering this??? What do I really feel?? Is this what I really want?? Then there are moments when old friends pop up out of nowhere and your heart is filled with joy talking to them, and you wonder, OK, is this really how I should be feeling all the time when I'm considering marrying someone? Am I making the wrong choice here??
Then my mind reverts back to tough moments while we have been dating, but also to all the good moments that happen when we are open and honest with each other, when we have worked through things, when I have freaked out multiple times and he is always there to listen, and though he may be hurt and disappointed, he tries to comfort me and talk me through things in his logical yet caring way....but then I worry if I am totally honest with him all the time right now I am just going to hurt him a lot, so how much do I tell him and how much do I keep inside and deal with on my own? He's definitely going to get hurt and maybe even mad if he hears about some of my doubts and what not, and I don't want that reaction....because I don't want to hurt him....I worry that we don't quite "gel" the way I have gelled with other friends.....but maybe that is just because of all of my fears and all the pressure of it ...
I think of past relationships, I worry that this marriage would turn out that way. I worry that he won't fit in with my family, or that we will move far far away and I won't ever see my wonderful cousins, grandparents, parents, and siblings! I worry that one day he wakes up and doesn't want to make me happy anymore. I worry that I don't have my heart in the right place either, that I will wake up and not care anymore, or that maybe I don't care enough..... I even worry because he is too nice to me...lol....it's like he tries so hard that its hard for me to always be open and what not because I am worried I will do or say the wrong thing and will just hurt him or make him mad.... I worry that all the pieces won't fit together right ...I worry that what if the Lord has something else in mind for me or for him?
So much stress and pressure built up inside of me, I just want to curl up in a ball....
Oh this is so difficult! How did you "know" it was the right one for you?? How did you know you weren't just settling or convincing yourself it was right??
Peter tries so hard. He is so good to me. He's not perfect but I think he will make a great husband and father to whoever he marries....and he's done so much and can truly say that he's given it his all, even if I haven't all the time...I didn't even like him at ALL at first! ha! I couldn't stand him!
Don't you wish the answers would just plop down in front of you?? :) Maybe an angel or something...please? Any free angels up there right now? I could really use your Heavenly inspiration! :)
9 comments:
I think that you should WANT to be with a person. It shouldn't be scary. It should just be exciting and natural.
With Jonathan everything just felt so natural and easy. I loved spending time with him and I didn't have doubts.
You need to pick if this will be the best situation for you. Don't worry about his feelings. (harsh I know) YOU deserve to be happy and feel like things are going to work out and that you will have a happy relationship.
Shayna, remember Heavenly Father would never give you answer through fear, doubt and discouragement. It's not easy. I definitely have had my fair share of doubt and it was after I was already engaged--it seems that opposition would like to confuse you and keep you from making a decision that could be very good for you.
Also, you marry who you want (within reason) and if you work hard and they work hard, Heavenly Father will "make it right" in a sense. Good luck, girly!
I did two things to know I wasn't just settling or just trying to convince myself that it was the right thing to marry Danny:
1. Prayed for a confirmation
2. Realized it was my choice
The Lord loved me. I prayed, and I didn't get an overwhelmingly "yes" answer. I just simply felt like it wasn't a "no" answer. It was more of a "This is your choice. If you marry him, you could have a very wonderful life together."
I think, if you think that you and Peter could have a wonderful life together - fights, doubts, worries, concerns, and all (because those never truly stop) - you could have a wonderful, beautiful marriage.
I didn't like my husband at first either. For a while I worried that I would revert back to not liking him, but it's amazing what happens when you make a decision to marry someone and start sharing a life with them. Somehow you love them more every day. I'm sorry you're having a hard time making this decision. On the other hand, I almost married two other guys before him and I definitely think I would have felt like I settled. I've found that the best way to find out if you're making the right decision is to make it and then see how you feel afterward. Take a step in the dark and see where it leads you. It's scary, but worth it to get some clarity. Good luck!
If you haven't already, you could ask your bishop or HT for a priesthood blessing. Not that you'll necesarily get a YES or NO from that, but it will bring you comfort, peace, and relief..and maybe even some guidance/answers. Also remember, there's not a time limit for when you have to get married. If you decide this week, that's great, but if you need some more time and it takes another month or two, then that's great too! Don't rush into something you're not sure about. And if he really loves you (which it sounds like he does!!) then he'll wait for you:) Good luck Shayna Babe...it's a big decision! And whatever you decide...I hope it makes you happy, cuz you deserve all the happiness in the world!
When Curtis and I first started dating long distance (He was in Ohio and I was in Utah) he started freaking out because he wanted an answer if we should get married, and he wanted it immediately. He started having all sorts of doubts and fears. But within a few days he started to realize he didn't need the answer quite yet and that it takes time. There really isn't any rush in having to decide this week. I like the comment earlier on that by Becky I think. My mom used to say, "It shouldn't be 'Can I live with him?' it should be, 'I can't live without him.'" Good luck. Love ya!
once i found the one i didn't feel any more fear. and it shouldn't be so hard. it should be much simpler, like "oh my gosh, THIS is that feeling everyone talks about, THIS is exactly what i've been waiting my whole life to feel!"
you never forget that. it's what solves so many marital problems that WILL come. that knowledge that there was not ONE single doubt, you knew.
and just like camille said, you have to worry about yourself and take his feelings out of it. remember, if he's not the one for you, then there is someone so much better for him. even if he doesn't understand that right now. he will.
my heart aches for you because i've been there. and you are going to look back on this one day and see how much you learned from it. and you'll be able to help someone through it as well. which ever way it goes.
To be honest friend, you seem to only be thinking about everything that could go wrong in a marriage. Maybe you need to start thinking of everything that can go right and see how you feel. You can't control most of the things you're worrying about.
And don't think that your "answer" has to fall into some perfect mold. Everyone gets their answer differently. Some don't get a distinct answer at all. I felt good about marrying Mark, but I didn't get the real real answer until after we got engaged. Sometimes you have to move forward in faith. Just because you're engaged doesn't mean you can't call it off.
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