This whole recent break-up thing has got me thinking.....ha!
For those of you who are married, I know usually people only give advice on those advice cards during bridal showers and in wedding books, right? haha....(yeah right! ;) )
But I really am asking: What is some of the best advice or knowledge or lessons YOU have learned from being married? What would you say to someone the vital lessons and things they need to learn before they get there? What are the things you learned the hard way once you were in it?? What do you think are the hardest things to adjust to?? I dont even know what to ask, but share with me all of your secrets. :) I am totally listening!
Loves,
Shayna :)
i think the newest thing matt and i have found to be so helpful is remembering that this life is all about eternal perspective and progression. you never use the words "you married me like this" or "i am who i am" "you should love me the way i am", stuff like that. we were just mutually discussing how distructive that can be for a marriage and how much both partners change for the better together.
ReplyDeleteand from my sister, and i completely agree with this: ignore the stupid "don't go to bed angry" and "just go to bed and rest for better discussion in the morning" sayings because everyone is so different. you can do better in the mornings with rest and more thought of the subject, but there are those people that get even more upset and dwell on things the longer they wait, not able to sleep. soooo make your own decision :)
I could spout advice about marriage for hours because I've been really close to some really bad marriages and being married has been totally different than what I expected, but to sum it all up, you have to be selfless, which is so much easier said than done. If you always put your spouse first and love him no matter what, even though he might (and he will) do things that make you mad or hurt your feelings, life will be so much easier and your marriage will last forever. I watched a Mormon message once that had the best advice I've ever heard from Pres. Monson. Too bad I can't remember it exactly but it was something to the effect of, "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." Being quick to forgive and quick to apologize makes it so much easier to move on to the more important things, like loving each other and being kind to one another.
ReplyDeleteAs far as being prepared for marriage, no one ever really is. I wouldn't worry about it.
I think no matter how much you know the other person, how long you've dated, how hard you've prayed and prepared yourself, no one will be able to explain what marriage will be like for you and you won't have any idea until you are actually married yourself.
ReplyDeleteI heard a quote once that basically said, "Everyone will tell you what it's like, how it feels, how it will be, but once you finally take that jump, you'll wonder why no one ever told you how it felt."
Also, I think this phrase from President Monson is probably some of the most simple, wise, and all encomposing marriage advice there is: "Choose your love; love your choice." And always, always put the Lord first. Marriage is a partnership with God; it "must be regarded as a sacred convenant" before Him.
For the best advice, I would read conference talks on marriage. There are so many good ones out there. The prophets and apostles of the Lord explain the true nature of marriage, and how it will be, and lessons that will be learned, better than anyone else.
Ok some good things said already. I really liked the "Choose your love, love your choice" quote. I also like that idea that no one told you it would feel like this - so true! :)
ReplyDeleteThe thing I would add is once you have chosen your companion let go of every expectation and dream you have. All of them. Let go of your ideas/expectations of shared responsibilities, communication methods, roles for husband and wife, number of kids you'll have, when to have them, careers for both you and him (I'm including SAHM as a career here), when, where and what kind of house to rent/buy, even the spiritual traditions you want to have, parenting techniques and ideas etc . . . the list keep going. LET THEM GO. This is painful, it's hurts, it's sad. I know I mourned and cried over those "lost" expectations.
Then rebuild your expectations, rebuild your dreams, rebuild it all with your companion. You'll bring back some of your old ones, you'll use some of his old expectations, you'll create your own new ones, the main thing is you're doing it together.
How your rebuild them, the resources and council you take to reform those expectations and dreams, etc those are all between you, your companion, and the Lord. No one can tell you what's best for you and your companion. Only you and he and The Big Couple up there can let you know those things. Of course there are great resources to refer to and words of wisdom from family, friends and prophets and they are great, wonderful and important resources. Ultimately, though, it's only between you three(four with Heavenly Mother) to create new expectations, goals and dreams.
You are so insightful girl - you'll find what you're looking for :)