Catch Up!

Wow its been forever! Since I haven't written for...oh...over a month???  I am gonna break this down...into sections of life....

1.  Social:
Well, I am dating Rob and he is so kind and so good. I am so grateful for this experience :)  I feel like where I am rough, he is smooth.  We will see where it goes.  He looks like a Jewish boy with that hair, but he's not. lol. 

 

 

At church I've also been getting to know people. I realized how I was not really liking the social atmosphere, and I realized the other day again how important it is to look at people the way the Lord looks at them. That has been my goal lately: to try to look at others with an eternal perspective so I can develop love and charity in my heart for them.  It seems like any time we are unhappy about something (besides abuse, etc) a lot of it has to do with our own attitudes.  I actually went to FHE on Monday....and that is a big deal for me haha!  Just because I have loved being home so much that I haven't wanted to go anywhere.  Of course, it helped that Rob went, and he asked me if I was going, and I didn't give him a straight answer, and he was like "ok thats cool!  well have a good night, im on my way to FHE! (speaking of which, he has to take the bus everywhere so it took him like an hour to get there....I thought I could probably sacrifice a little time to go.) 

2. Church/Spiritual:  I got called as the ward Data Entry Specialist. I know, I know. It's totally a made up calling.  I just enter in the callings, keep them straight.  It doesn't require much. haha...BUT, I am happy to say I get to be a visiting teacher.  It has been a serious treat. These girls are so great.  I love them!!  I feel like it was inspired as to which girls I get to visit.  I mean, we've only visited a couple of times, because I haven't been here long, but I've enjoyed it.  I feel like we are becoming real friends.  Thank goodness for visiting teaching. :) I've also been listening to conference talks in the morning...and its a great way to start the day. 

3. Physical:  Oh dear, I miss having a gym!!! Seriously dude.  Right now, or for the last 5 months or so, I've been turning on fun music and dancing around....but that is like, the workout I do when there is nothing else to do....its fun, but my knees are killing me haha.  There is only so much you can do...I NEED A GYM!!!! AAAHH!!!  plus, its so freezing outside there is no way I'm going to ride my bike....dang bay area!! Too bad a gym membership is 300 dollars....yikes. Not to mention it requires travel to the gym.  Sigh...those of you in Provo don't know how good you have it as far as everything being in one place until you move away! 

4.  Work:  I START A NEW JOB TODAY!!  I am going to be a part-time nanny in addition to my other job at the ambulance company. I am SOOOO EXCITED!!! I love kids. They are so fun.  :)  WoohoOO!!!!!

Speaking of....time to get going on the day. Have a good one! Here are more pics:

My last day of classes in December: 

Our dog Taco..he's hilarious....

 

My dad at the top of the stairs we climb...he WAS doing the Pee Wee Herman dance but he stopped before I got the pic:

 My Grandpa, who is very sick and probably won't make it much longer. :(  I dont know why everyone is passing away...OH...PS...my Aunt Ramona passed away a few weeks ago.  :(  So since Ive been back, my uncle Eric (my moms brother), my cousin Christamae (my moms sister's daughter), and my Aunt Ramona (my mom's sister) have all passed away.  And soon it will be this guy (my dad's dad):  I am so grateful to be home right now. 

 My sweet Grandma June:

 Me and Danielle, Christamae's sister:

 Kaitlin:

 Christamae's funeral: 

Terrified!

So, Maybe I am melodramatic sometimes, but sometimes I really don't like dating people simply for the reason of being terrified that something horrible is going to happen.  lol...And something horrible being something like cheating, or abuse, or bad habits being picked up in the future, or whatever.  It's so heartbreaking when that stuff happens, and I think I act like a crazy person sometimes because I am so scared of it happening.  Does that happen to any of you ladies, too?  I really do try to be positive, and try to have faith that nothing is going to go wrong...but it seems like something DOES always happen, and that breaks my heart.

But I am dating this guy who is great.  Simply great. And I know my own failings, and I know that if any guy started to RESENT me for those failings and/or want me to be different, he would not be so happy in the relationship....and who knows what he would end up doing.  Cheating is probably the scariest thing in the world.  It's like, even if he has a friend who is a girl, and seems to really enjoy being around her, or talks to her often, I am like "oh no....commence backing off now...if he isn't going to enjoy being around me as much as he enjoys being around her, well...I don't know about this one...she is so (fill in the blank)...and I am not good at that!!" Or, the crazy behaviors.....stalking, twisting everything he says,hiring a private investigator....(ok just kidding).  When that fear starts to creep in, I don't know what to do with myself. I hate it!!!

And what is difficult too is trying to find peace with the fact that no one is perfect.  And I hope that whoever I end up with can love me for my fears, for my wants, for my craziness, for my lack of patience with him, for my desire to have an awesome family...I just want someone who will honestly be my best friend, and someone I can trust COMPLETELY. I hope to also be trustworthy... When you start to really fall for someone, you start to get scared that you are going to lose them.  I have had guys who have been my best friend, best friend in the whole world, favorite person to talk to....but when it comes down to having a romantic relationship with them, that never happened.  I imagine that switching into relationship mode with that guy would have thrown me into a tizzy as well. It's a whole new spin on things...because you want so badly to know that they aren't going anywhere, and that they won't EVER go anywhere.  But when your best friend does something stupid, its like, "oh, well,  its not like we are married..(or).its not like I have to worry about him doing this in front of the kids..(or)....its not like I have the right to expect him to be all mine...(or)...well we can still talk to each other and be friends." Oh no, it is an entirely different level of trust.  And THAT, my friend, is what creates MORE issues.  If a friend cheats on his girlfriend, you can probably say "well that was dumb, why did you do that? And hey, are we still down to getting a burger tonight?"  It's not like he did it to YOU.

Sigh......does EVERY girl fear this kind of a thing??  If so what do you do about it??

Love,
Shayna