Hunter Hayes, please sing to me....

Well, it has been awhile.

I am still not engaged, and that is a-ok.  I am finding that there are a TON of emotions that need to be worked through in this whole process.  I hope Rob is okay with me taking that time.

1. It is really hard to let go of old things.  Really difficult...especially past loves. (There is also a letting go of the "freedom" of being single...we suddenly cannot flirt with every cute guy we see, nor can we feel like we are totally awesome because we get a lot of attention from other guys because we show them our best face all the time...we have to face ourselves a lot more as everything we do now affects someone else.  Its truly a mourning process.) Not only past loves, but expectations and the things you have imagined up in your head all your life about what your future spouse is going to be like. And sometimes when you thought you had the right one, the one that really lights you up, the one you "click" with the most, your 'best friend' ...they don't want you back.  So you have to let that one go and let yourself be excited about someone else...if possible. And it may never be the same.and I don't know if those feelings ever really go away. Maybe it takes awhile.  And I am going to say that is not Peter we are talking about...and Peter, if you are reading this, because I know you will...PLEASE...let me go.  It is never going to happen.  I am sorry, I know that is hard to hear, but I can see who reads my blog.  Please let me go, for your own sake. Take me off of your bar at the top of the screen...cause all you will want to do is click on it and read it and keep yourself crazy....its NOT EVER going to happen.

2.  I have been going pen-crazy. Anyone else love pens? For crying out loud....there are so many I can't fit them into my little pen bucket.  All sorts of colors....Because I LOVE having lots of colors in a journal :)...and in a notebook, and in a planner...and in birthday cards....FANTASTIC!!

3. School is starting on 29th for me...Yippee!! I am stoked.  IT was expensive but...I am so glad I get to start going back again. Driving is going to be a royal pain but.....Ugh....at least I get to learn stuff. Ü

4.  Hunter Hayes....I love you.....you touch my heartstrings!! I know you look like you are 15 but still...

5. And I know this is a very Mormon thing to say but...I want to get into photography :)  It totally fits my personality...love it...

6. Along with photography I have been buying Wedding books....because I think it would be way fun to be a wedding planner!  I don't even know where to start though :)  I guess reading those books is a good start :) 

7.  The things we value in people seem to really change as we get older.  Rob isn't the most "fun"..."playful"..."goofy"....etc guy...but he is very committed, loyal, loving, kind, humble, heartfelt, transparent....and he isn't lacking in those other things, but he isn't exactly brimming over with them either.  He kind of reminds me of the guy on "Love Comes Softly"...so when I see that movie, it makes me appreciate him more because I think to myself.."Oh man..that guy is awesome..I'd marry him!! Oh wait...he's a lot like Rob :)"  (though a good sense of hilarity is definitely needed more often than not....hopefully that comes...lol)