Winding Down

OK the fun in California is winding down and I am going home on Tuesday. It's been fun out here, I wish I could stay longer but at the same time I am about ready to get back to Utah and find a job. If anyone knows of any good jobs please let me know. Yeah I just posted like an hour ago, I know. :)
I am excited to hang out with my friends again too. aawww...hehe.
So since it is mothers day, my ward handed out flowers today to all the women 18 and older. I guess I had kind of shoved the thought of motherhood in the back of my head, but as I listened to real mothers talk in Church and listened to a couple of youth speaking, the reality hit me about the huge job it is to be a mother. I already knew that but being in Provo you don't really see it in action very much, and at least for me, I get kind of this ideological view of it and form my own opinions of what the perfect mother would look like and stuff. Of course I want to be a good mom, but I don't think motherhood is quite what we expect it to be before we become a mother ourselves. Its in all the tough stuff that we change into who we can become. We change into the mother we want to be not by being perfect before we start at it, but in learning, in being humbled, in getting barfed on and pooped on, in learning to not be a controlling person but a loving influence who sets boundaries. Oh that has got to be a challenge! I am already challenged enough with being the oldest in my family, I try to set limits and boundaries with my younger siblings, try to be like a second mom to them, but then I just get frusterated when they dont do it the way I like it done, and then I have to step back and say "now, Shayna, these girls are doing great. Look at all the qualities they have that you are impressed with! Look at how compassionate and kind and fun loving Courtney is. Look at how sincere and funny and serious too that Kaitlin is. These girls have a great potential, remember that!" Then my heart is softened and I start to really appreciate them and have fun with them. I hope I can be a good mom, I really do. ;) I hope my husband has patience with me and if I have a bad day doesn't think I am a crazy woman ;)
Whoa...is it really 50 degrees in Provo?? (ok i digress...my windows sidebar is telling me something I dont want to see!!)
Anyway, I love my mom and my grandma too! Why? Because they love me! And love is something that can only be seen to be felt, in my opinion! And by that I mean that it is an action word. Mothers sacrifice so much! What a great blessing it is to have an angel right there with you as you grow up, lifting you, training you, teaching you, humbling you!