Your war with mortality is over, On to better worlds, Christamae!

This is a post about how wonderful Christamae is. :) 

Christamae was born October 3rd, 1985.  She passed away about 2:30 am, Sunday, November 18, 2012 in Ceres, California, due to complications with a blood infection.  Her passing was quick and traumatic but it was over with in 5 minutes.  

Christamae, in my mind, was always the sparkle to the conversation.  She got right to the point, no beating around the bush for her!  That is one thing I appreciate about her.  She would say what everyone else was thinking.....and then elaborate on it. haha!  Awesome. 

She was/is very opinionated about politics and government, as she was driven by being a voice for good morals and righteousness.  She could see the world going downhill with morals, and she would tell anyone what should and should not be so.  Sometimes I caught myself saying, "what would Christamae do in this situation? What would she say about this?"  because I always knew that she had thought it out thoroughly and with a heart dedicated to doing what was right.  She wasn't worried about what men thought, she was only concerned with pleasing the Lord.

Christamae had a facial expression for everything. She didn't even have to say a word--if you looked at her face, you knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling about something.  

She was always very competitive in games. It was almost hilarious how into it she would get, and how determined she was to win.  She probably could have been a lawyer, as she loved to debate...this definitely came out in playing games with her!!  

She LOVED the LDS temple.  When it got to the point that she couldn't go anymore, she lost a lot of her drive.  She got special permission at age 19 to go through and get her endowments, and I think that really helped her to have the strength she needed to get through the next 8 years of her life.  Before she passed, I told her I would miss her a lot, and she said she would be at the temple and we could all talk to her there. I believe that :)  

She was so good to talk to.  She would listen to your problems and be understanding.  She had a healthy way of interacting with others, good give and take in the conversation.  She really did care about other people despite all the stuff she was going through. And she wasn't afraid to tell people that she was having a bad day.  She sent these long emails to her friends about once a month describing what was going on with her treatments and how rough life was, and though sometimes it brought out sad feelings in the readers, I was grateful that she felt like she could share these things....and then turn around and ask you how YOUR life was, without any judgments or comparisons, and she really did want to know. She spent hours of her time online talking to people who had disabilities or sicknesses and trying to make them feel better.

And some of my favorite conversations with her involved how excited she was about boys....whether boys I liked, or boys she liked.  haha!  She really got into that....especially when she was younger....now that she's gone I'll tell you a secret...when she was in I think 3rd or 4th grade, she had a huge list (23 to be exact) of boys that she had a crush on and why she had a crush on them in this journal/notebook she had.  Hehe! 

Christamae, Danielle, and I used to play every day together after school.  I lived with them for several years on and off. We would hang out at recess if we were on the same playground.  We would play games in the Col-de-Sac outside of their home, draw pictures of our least favorite teachers right behind the van wheels (ok that was more my doing....), and we spent HOURS recording music together.  Every Christmas we recorded a tape for our loved ones for a few years of the songs that we were learning in school and of other Christmas songs that we loved.  The would fight over who got to hang out with me (lol) and we even shared a room for awhile.  All 3 of us.  That definitely brought up some hilarious moments....especially when Danielle would act like she was having a nightmare ("Aah! I am being attacked by a giant crocodile!! Help me! Im having a nightmare!") and Christmae would call her out on it.  "You aren't dreaming.  You are lying.  Lying is wrong, Danielle."  

She LOVED Disney movies, Disney pins...anything Disney!  She loved Disneyworld too! They invited me to go with them but..unfortunately I couldn't afford it :/  It's okay, we will go all together someday. I hope it is open in the Resurrection.  ;)  

Her room is covered in inspirational quotes, pictures of Christ, pictures of the temple, and stuffed animals.  This lady had such faith, such determination, and though times were very trying for her, she didn't lose her faith. She did struggle, but she never lost it. She continuously made good choices and became more and more like Christ.  Someone online said of her, "Christamae, do you realize the name Christ is in your name?" Such a fantastic person and example, and her life will be a legacy to anyone who knew her down through the generations.  

Danielle, her sister, wrote:

"Feels like my heart is pulling apart. Life will be so empty without the best friend, sister, and example a person could ask for. My consolation is knowing she is so much freer and happier now. She was ready to go and had not a single doubt as to what would await her. She had such strong faith. Run, dance, laugh, embrace, sing, and rest in peace Christamae Zimpel"

We will miss you til we see you again! It is not the same without you.  Now we have even more motivation to live our lives the right way. You are finally free from this limiting body.  You can finally have peace. And you don't have to sleep anymore, since you always thought it was such a waste of time.  :)  And I am positive you will meet a wonderful man on the other side ;)  Thanks for your strength and powerful influence!  We love you, Christamae!! 

Coming Back to Myself.....

Not that this is a post all about me.  But kind of it is, I hope whoever reading it can apply it to their own lives, that is why I talk about my life....not to get attention for myself but hopefully to help someone else out there. :)

So, if you've been watching at all, and I don't expect everyone knows all my business or anything, but basically its been a TON of transitions in like a 6 month period.  I was supposed to get married in August, but broke it off at the very end of May.  Decided to move to California last minute (sort of, I had always kept it as a back-up plan...), started school, desperately in need of a better-paying job, moved in with family after being away for 6 plus years on my own....Got here, and everything is falling apart....Christamae is dying, Aunt Mona is dying. Uncle Eric just passed away last week unexpectedly.  It's been crazy....completely out of my control.

I've been going to my ward here in San Francisco and honestly I feel so weird going to a new ward, I dont know ANYONE, I am all extremely shy about getting to know people and don't really have any friends.   I then somehow start hanging out with someone who is a totally kind and thoughtful person, patient, and here I am, totally reeling and freaking out from this last break-up, not feeling like I like who I am anymore, as before I was always the level-headed, patient, kind one that got things done...and I feel like my worst side came out with this last boy.  I mean, I do NOT like who I was with him...and so naturally I start freaking out on this other guy.  He's so nice though....I mean, who knows what will happen but I am grateful that he is, just by his kindness and sincerity and humility, helping me to feel more like my old self and less combative.  I feel like I've got a good friend on my side. And I also realized that I wasn't putting any effort into being a good friend to people in my ward.  (Thanks, RS Presidency, for teaching a lesson last Sunday on making people feel welcome. Just what I needed. :) )

However, i do believe the Lord puts people and experiences in our lives for a reason.  I am grateful for trials because through that relationship, I felt like I had to face some demons in myself.  I felt like it forced me to learn to communicate and to be aware of my own heart.  It also got me interested in being more aware of the world around me, and essentially pushed me into getting my MPA instead of just floating through life blissfully unawares.  Man, its amazing how well the Lord knows us.

 I hope I can keep growing into who He needs me to be, especially in these last days. I am a firm believer that it is indeed the last days, and that our children are going to witness the coming of the Savior maybe even before they become parents.  I believe that our generation will witness it.  No doubt about that.  I hope I can be ready.  And I want to see all my friends there too.  "No Empty Chairs" in the Celestial Kingdom.  Love you all!!

365 Photo Journal....

So I have this idea and dang it, I am going to do it!!!

I want to do a journal...like a regular journal like usual....BUT, I want to commit to writing in it, EVERY day, and for each day, I want to put a picture in it.

Not such a huge feat, right?? Knowing me, I'll get the writing done, maybe....but not do the pictures....so if anyone else wants to join me, maybe we can make it a goal to check up on each other and make sure we are staying on task!!  Wouldn't that be fun to have a whole year to look back on?? With PICTURES??? its like your own little movie!! Yessss...Let me know if you are interested!!

<3 p="p" shayna="shayna">

On Civil Unions...getting a little political....

Life has been pretty good lately.  I need to get more organized with school because it is getting crazy....Actually, I need to just get back INTO school.  It's tough when you've been away for several years to get back into the swing of it.  I don't love my classes, but I am hoping that when I come out of this degree, I'll be able to do some good things and be an instrument for righteous and true principles in the world.

This brings me to a conversation I had last night with someone.  We were talking about civil unions for homosexual couples.  Now, I don't want to get all political on you, but when I thought about it, I realized that  though the Church only specifies that we fight for MARRIAGE as being defined between a man and a woman, I think the principle behind it is so very important.  Marriage, to me, is a very sacred union between a man and a woman.  Everyone doesn't honor it as such, but it ought to be as so.  In fact, relationships themselves are incredibly sacred, and they are one of the only things we can take back to Heaven with us.  The whole Plan of Salvation is built on the idea of bringing our families, together, back to our Father's presence through repentance and the Atonement of Jesus Christ and ordinances of the gospel, and living there as families forever.  Homosexuality, though I absolutely LOVE my gay friends, is not OK.  The act of it is not OK.  Having homosexual tendencies is not wrong.  Just like having a temptation to smoke pot or have sex outside of marriage is not wrong.  But actually doing it? Not good....

Now,  on to Civil Unions:  according to About.com, "Definition: Civil unions are legal contracts between partners that are recognized by a state or government as conferring all or some of the rights conferred by marriage, but without the implicit historical and religious meaning associated with the word "marriage."

Civil Unions, though not defined as a "marriage" in the religious meaning, still give them benefits and essentially its like being married without using the word "marriage"....they can have their cake and eat it too. Benefits, to me, are like rewards.  I don't get benefits of being married because I am not married.  It would be fantastic to have health insurance right now....maybe I should get married so I can have health insurance and tax breaks. Hmm. Anyone out there wanna get married? ;)  Benefits are given to ENCOURAGE behavior.  Let's face it, that is one way the government does in fact try to sway us to do things.  I don't want to encourage their behavior.  At all.

Let's not forget, too, that gay couples cannot have children, its just not biologically possible...another reason why marriage between man and woman is so important.  That relationship is the hearth of the home, and children benefit from having the influence of a good man and a good woman in their lives. Men and women do, in fact, contribute in different ways to the growth and development to their children.  If gay couples, whether by civil union or marriage, are then given the right to adopt children, that is going to really interfere with the development of that child.  (and why would they not allow them to adopt children if they have already allowed them the same OTHER benefits of marriage??) Totally goes against my grain....I really feel strongly about this.

Anyway, just some thoughts for your day.  I would like to get the opinion of my other friends on this topic, so any comments would be great! :)

Proud to be a Giant's Fan

And this is how San Francisco rolls.....

I love San Francisco's love for the Giants. And you should see how decked out everyone is this week in their black and orange. It's like we are all part of one big family and its awesome. :)  San Francisco has its own really fun culture, and when you live here you realize its really a cool one. It's way laid back, eclectic, and accepting....which can be good, and bad at the same time haha.  You definitely have your strange sights....someday I will take a picture of the bicycles covered in fur that I pass every time I go for a walk around the block near my work....Probably most definitely wont ever live in the city as far as settling down goes....I dont wanna be there when it falls in the ocean......

Go Giants!!!

Christamae....

From Facebook:  

Christamae Zimpel

5 hours ago

"won't take out my gallbladder-too high risk. Going home next week on hospice basically to pass away. tomorrow going to redo my gj tube and a biliary drain will be inserted for palliative measures. Just working out pain management @ transferring meds to i.v. still way too much edema. pain problems. looks like this may be the end. i am okay with that....more worried abou my family and finances since dad & grandma get paid for my care. already having issues because they don't pay when i am in the hospital.....prayers for my family appreciated."

We love you, Christamae!!  My other sister.  Hopefully this will pass......and hopefully it won't end the way it sounds.  

Recent Happenings

You know, I think I have outgrown my fetish for California....

It's a great place, don't get me wrong!  I do love being here.  When it comes down to it, though, I don't think I would want to raise my family here  The only thing is that my whole family is here!  And that to me is more important than anything else. 

On that note, please say prayers for my cousin Christamae! She has been admitted to UCSF again for Sepsis and they are making a lot of mistakes....poor thing. She's usually admitted to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit because she is only 60 pounds and the staff know her there and know how to deal with her issues.  But they didn't have a bed so they put her in the regular ICU.  They gave her 10 times the amount of seizure med that she is supposed to have on accident which has made her short term memory horrible, they are continuously pumping her body full of water to get rid of the sepsis, which consequentially makes it difficult for her to breathe even with the vent on (it gets water into her lungs), and for whatever reason she isn't outputting enough urine to get rid of all the water they are putting in her body, so she's really edemic right now :(  She was in so much pain when she left.  :(

And here are some pictures of life at the moment...

OK, ok, just kidding.  I wish!

Have a beautiful Fall day!!!  

Emergency Preparedness--Water!

So lately I have been feeling a lot of interest in emergency preparation.  It doesn't mean something huge is going to happen, but if it does, I really want to be prepared!   I think its super important that everyone get some kind of emergency kit prepared just in case.  And something could happen tomorrow even, so what will you do??

 I was doing some research, and found this great website:

http://www.ready.gov/

It is a website our own government made to help us get prepared. Cool huh!  Who would know better about how to prepare for natural disasters in our own country than them?

Also, I was doing some research and it seems like one of the biggest things people forget about is water.  Did you know the average person needs to save a gallon a day of water for their emergency kits?  Yeah. That seems like a lot, but if you don't have water, you are in deep doo-doo....as my dad says. lol.  You can actually store water in those gallon milk jugs and just screw the lid in tightly...More info below:

http://www.bae.ncsu.edu/programs/extension/publicat/wqwm/emergwatersuppl.html

Speaking of water, I also learned that you can use the water from your hot water heater:

http://www.palosverdes.com/RPV/emergency_preparedness/content/Water-Heater-Article.pdf

(that is a how-to....)  That thing holds about 50 gallons of water! Sweet.

And that is your Emergency Preparedness thought of the day. :)

Family is so important!

Sappy story time...

The other day, I was driving from my dad's house to my aunt's house so that I could go to class. While I was driving, I started imagining what life would be like without my daddy. (I know, depressing, right?)  But he is getting older, and every time I look at him, I remember what he used to look like not too long ago.  And then I think, "wow, my daddy is not going to live forever :( "  And I remember all of our good times and all of the times I am sure I hurt him and how I wish I would have handled things better, and then I start to get really sad because life is so short, and I have been away from home for so long, and I have missed out on being with these wonderful family members of mine for many years.  And they really do get older, and sicker, and life is so short.  And then as I proceeded to drive, I started to bawl imagining how I don't ever want to lose my daddy or my mom or anyone else because I love them so much.  And I was crying for like half the drive...that's an hour...lol...And I keep wishing my dad would have a change of heart about the Gospel and thinking the Eternal nature of families is great, if your loved ones accept all of it and are trying to live it.  It's great anyway, but I worry so much that my daddy won't ever accept it, and even if he gets to the other side, that he will struggle with it and he won't be with me.  :(  And now I am starting to cry again...haha.  You know those old questionairres that would float around via email that asked you things like "have you ever loved someone so much it made you cry"?  Well, I can tell you I can now answer that with a yes. ha. 

Oh folks. Family is so important.  And so easy to take for granted.  As I tucked my grandma into bed tonight (she is not feeling well today and had to get to bed early and put her oxygen on), she says, "I love you, sweetie. I wish I was young and beautiful again." Oh, Grandma, I wish I had your ability to love and to remember what is most important in life and to be as wise and unselfish as you. :)  

 Aunt Mona and my mom...Doctors are giving her maybe til Christmas if we are lucky....gosh I hate cancer.  :(  

OK Universe, what do you want? lol

You know, its like the Universe is trying to talk to me right now..but what is it SAYING!! lol.....skip this list if you don't wanna hear all my complaints again...haha

1. Severe stomach pains lead me to the ER....

2. Car is suddenly having all these problems..needed new tires, alignment, battery light came on, and now i think my transmission is acting up...

3. Woke up this morning, and my brand new tires got SLASHED by some vandal kids...had to miss my class for grad school....(my cousin's van also got the tires slashed. Come on people, they are handicapped and have a hard enough time getting around. :(  If there was an emergency, like if Christamae has a seizure, they are stuck in the house. NOT cool.)  I was about to go on a rampage.  

4. My aunt says, "Gee Shayna, I dont know if you can stay here much longer, your cousin might have to move back in with his wife and babies...." 

5. I can't find a full time job, and going back and forth from San Francisco is costing me tons of money in gas, but that seems to be the only place I can find a job...not to mention I feel good about going to that ward...(then again maybe I am wrong in that??)  .yet my grad program is up in Turlock, which is about an hour and a half from SF.  Yeah. 

6.  All these adjustments to moving back in with my family have been pretty rough.  It shouldn't be like this, but I think being away so long and getting used to being on my own has made me used to more autonomy.  I am grateful to be with family, though.....maybe I need to learn how to depend on other people besides myself. I feel so guilty for it though! (and my stuff is all over everyone's space.  I would not like that if I was them!) 

7.  I am so surprised at the downfall in values in California. Maybe being in Utah just made me more sensitive to it, but man oh man this world is definitely at its end, I would say. I'm scared to leave my car parked in the front yard. I would not doubt if the Second Coming happened in the next 50 years.  Not even joking......the scriptures are so right on in their prophecies!  In some ways it is kind of cool seeing it all happening, then again its also frightening in that I can't control it.  And I can't control it for my future kids either, nor can I control it when my friends fall off into roads that only lead to heartache.  :(  

ON another note, I did get to share some of the LDS beliefs with my cousin.  That was pretty fun, not that I am anticipating anything but for a kid who has been through rehab and all kinds of trouble, its really cool to let him know that there is a prophet on the earth today, and apostles,  and that the simple truths that were lost are restored.  I hope he at least checks out the website I sent to him. :)  He was interested in reading Conference....he wanted to hear what the prophet is saying. :)  

And I am really excited that Prince William and Kate are having a baby.  YES!!!

Adjusting to being home again...

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you are doing everything wrong??

This girl right here already has a serious guilt complex....and moving in with the family has been fantastic, and a challenge at the same time.  I love my daddy to pieces....I can't even tell you how much I idolize him! I don't know what it is about little girls and their dads but it is true....:)  

Anyways, I think moving back home has been an adjustment for the both of us.  Case in point:  So, I have been feeling a little bit like I've been told how to do EVERYTHING....down to using the right knife to cut things up and where to set my toothbrush down in the bathroom. I am so terrified to make a wrong move...and I want so badly to help out around here because I am basically mooching off of my dad and his wife, right? I am sleeping in my dad's computer room, my shoes are in the floor because there isn't another spot for them, my clothes are in the hallway towel closet....

 So, I look around for things to do...and I try to do them...and every time I try, I get told that I am not doing it the right way.  So, after awhile of this, I give up and stop trying to help because it just isn't going to be help anyways.  The other day I expressed my feelings of "I feel so bad living here, I am such a mooch!"  to which my dad responded, "Well, if you feel bad, then help out around here!"  

Okay....catch 22. lol.....

I decide to request helping out by making dinner.  But I let them know (while my step sister is in the room to buffer the tension...) "But, I don't know, because I feel like every time I try to help with something, I get told that I am doing it wrong or I get instructed how to do it." Step sister says, "Mom, you do have a tendency to boss people around." Step mom says, "Well, thats because there is a better way of doing it."...lol....

So they say that they will let me have the kitchen and not tell me how to cook..."Accept I will show you what  pans to use..."  

And tonight, that task was completed!  I was grateful that I didn't get told what to do....and then my dad gives me some fish to cook, fish of which I have never even eaten before in my life..I look up some random recipe online...and it comes out kind of gross...lol...and then I feel awful for making this yucky dish and like I just proved that I need to be told how to do things.

The worst part is, though, I think I offended everyone, because usually there is chatter all through dinner and what not, some laughter, etc...but tonight, it has been DEAD SILENT.  The entire house is dead silent.  It's like you can cut the tension with a knife...

This is so weird...why am I blogging about this, I do not know.  Maybe someone out there needs to know that they aren't alone? lol....And maybe this is all in my head and people are just being quiet because they are thinking about something else.  Anyways...sigh....this is an adjustment!  

But it is really great being able to see my family and I almost feel like I have been a horrible, negligent sister and daughter and maybe the Lord is helping me to reconnect with my family and mend broken things that I didn't even realize were broken.  

School is going to be a great missionary opportunity, I think!

Tonight's class was kind of cool....

So we have to do these intense readings (at least for me they are intense, I have to read them several times to even get a little bit of what they are saying...but I'm kind of illiterate when it comes to the workings of the government...its too complicated for me!)  Anyways, we then come to class and we discuss what we got out of the readings. And we do that the entire 2.5 hours of class.

This was our first "discussion" class.  We talked about a lot of topics, but one that stood out to me was "how do you define corruption?"  One of the teacher's suggestions was "well, the question of right and wrong all depends on what society says" .  Wow....that sounds like a recipe for disaster in a society....yet too me, the answer is simple.  If someone is not living with integrity with the powers they have been given, they are being corrupt (acting corruptly?)  The class and the teacher brought up the question though of, How do you decide what is corrupt and what is not corrupt?  Hmm...Good question.  I raised my hand and, in a manner of speaking, said that I believe the problem is that this country has gotten so concerned with political correctness that we don't live by the same values anymore--that if you take a group of people, no one is going to decide what is right or what is wrong and enforce that on the entire group, because what if someone else believes differently?  The Christians believe in the 10 commandments, the Buddhists believe in the Golden Rule.....but we've left God completely out of our government, and if you take God out of it, you introduce only man-made alternatives that are so changeable and dependent on no foundation. Society isn't going to be a good determinant of what is right and wrong, especially as we come nearer and nearer to the Second Coming.

I wasn't that forward about God in my class, but when I tried to say it in a more simple and un-offensive way, a couple of students agreed with me and the teacher just said "well, its not always that black and white, but huh....interesting thought"  I felt the Spirit testify, and I hope the class felt it too--it seemed like there were some people who were affected by it, but maybe that was all in my head :)  I also felt reminded about how it is good to stand up for correct principles, and it strengthened my own beliefs in the importance of living according to the principles that Jesus Christ set forth long ago, no matter how many lies Satan tries to tell people who either believe in the Savior or who never had that same upbringing. Truth is truth, no matter the situation.

California Girl

Whelp...I am back in California.  Physically, at least.

It has been a little bit of a strange road, to be honest.  Right now I am living in 2 houses, and my stuff is piled up in my aunt and uncle's living room.  I am driving back and forth from the Modesto area to the bay area and it is tiring!  (but I am absolutely LOVING my time in San Francisco!!!  Love that city!!)  I have school in Stockton (which, by the way, is 45 minutes away from Modesto)....so I stay at my Aunt's house about half the week for school, then I drive back to the bay area for work in SF a couple days a week and stay at my dad's house.  He has an air mattress set up in his computer room for me that is taking over the whole floor space, which I feel way bad about...and my aunt has a spare room in her garage that she's letting my grandma's brother sleep in until he goes back to Ohio in a few weeks (but after that, it is mine), which means I am sneakily trying to shove things in the nooks and crannies of the room without getting into his space....

And I, consequentially, haven't settled in a ward yet. I've been to 3 different wards in the last 3 weeks.  Yuck.  I just have 2 more to go to and then I can pick out of them which one I want to have my records sent to.

I just want to say how grateful I am for my dad right now.  Coming out here, I had no job, only a small amount of money in my bank account, and suddenly, the battery light in my car has been on (so we changed the battery and it still comes on so we think its the alternator...), my tires are bald, my car is terribly misaligned, I have to RESIGN UP FOR CAR INSURANCE (because I changed states...come ON people, I already spent 350 on that!!! There goes another million bucks!!), my car gets a freakin ROCK thrown at its front windshield on the freeway, making a big splotch that will probably spread and crack my entire windshield (another 300 bucks), I have to also pay for registration in California (153 dollars) and get a CA driver's license (about $30), a smog check (60 bucks)....not to mention the fees that I'm about to be hit with loan fees and car payment fees and cell phone payment....

With all this stress I have been in over my head.  I go to pull out my credit card for the alignment and tires (about $540), and my dad says that he will pay for it.  AH!! I was literally in the hospital last week because of serious pains in my stomach that they think is an ulcer (which comes from stress) so this was such a relief to me (I was also scared I'd get hit with a huge emergency room bill, but due to my situation they gave me assistance and I don't have to pay for it yay!!)....I am so grateful for my dad, who is doing everything he can to help me out without taking away my autonomy. He got me a part time job at his work (granted, it isn't much, but its something....), he does so many little things for me like make me dinner and check up on me while I'm sleeping before he leaves for work...he changed my spark plugs for me and aired up my bike tires and went on a bikeride with me....he is such a great dad and so loving and kind to me, I am so grateful for him, especially at this time when I have felt so alone and all over the place and honestly, not super happy to be here...I don't know what I would do without my daddy. :)

Anyways this has turned into totally a complainer post, which I wasn't intending....

Something my professor said today in class was comforting to me, though. She seems to be quite the liberal (with, oddly enough, some conservative beliefs tied in there), and she said "You know, I was on this trip to Europe this summer. We were supposed to be at this conference, but the transportation situation got so mixed up due to a lack in communication, so we missed our flight, had to sleep in the airport, and then had to take a bus.  Then someone miscommunicated which city we were supposed to be in, so we drove about 5 hours out of the way, found out once we got there (already 2 days late) that it was the wrong city, so we turned around and made it on the final day of the conference....the Mayor checked up on us, and he found out that the bus we were originally supposed to be on got in a huge accident, and every person on the bus was injured.  So, you never know.  Things happen for a reason. It may be absolutely miserable in the process, but you never know what worse things could have happened had you been where you thought you were supposed to be."

Huh....maybe the Lord is aware of my situation after all and He sent this teacher to remind me of a very important lesson.  :)

Minnesota is AWESOME, Eh

I am totally loving this state.  It is green everywhere, and I am not talking a weird green, but big, bushy, leafy trees, beautiful rolling hills of leafy crops, and lakes everywhere....AH!!! So gorgeous!!!!And so much space!  It takes us about 30-45minutes to get anywhere, besides the local walmart. haha...

And the people are so down to earth and friendly!! I think I like this part of the country, seriously. I wouldn't mind settling in this part of the US somewhere.  Of course, it IS August....which means its probably the nicest time of year....haha!  I would NOT want to be here in the Winter, that is for sure! I have heard word that it gets 60 below here. NO thanks!  But I am not exactly in love with California either, sadly....its not my favorite place, besides the fact that most of my family is there. 

The reason I came out here is to support my sister and her husband as they went through the temple to be sealed together forever.  In our church, we believe that families can be together, FOREVER..:)  how cool is that???  But it has to be done in the right way by someone who has the Priesthood authority to do so, and the people involved have to be living their lives in such a way to be allowed to do it.  And once it is done, they have to continue to live their lives according to God's commandments, or else they will forfeit that eternal promise and covenant (that 2-way promise between God and them)Anyway, it was a beautiful day watching them get sealed, and when they included River (their 15 month old) and put her hand on top of theirs, oh it was so sweet.  I almost started to cry right there. I love that little girl and now she is going to be blessed more than I think any of us even comprehend.

I am having second thoughts about the MPA program, also.  I really do want to get my Master's degree...and I feel like if the economy was better this would be a perfect degree for me.....I am just worried about finding work with it. :/  I mean, I would love to just marry some dude who made enough money to support me and our children...honestly, that would be the best job ever.  I could spend time with my kids all day....though I know I would want something else to focus on also so that I can stay sane.  Not that kids aren't great....but I would need something to keep my mind occupied in other ways, keep a balance in life.  I was hoping that this degree would put me on the road to working until I start a family, and then provide a way to contribute myself and my abilities to my community.  So what I am going to do is go to classes for awhile and decide how I feel about it from there. I will talk to some of the administration and find out if this degree will be any good once I get out of there.  It isn't super expensive, but it does cost money still. I don't want to back out after all the work I put into getting here, but if it is not looking good I guess I may have to.  Oy, my stomach hurts just thinking about the unknown! 

Anyways, have a great day and I'll talk to you all later, eh!

Last Day at USH!

Today was my last day of work at the Utah State Hospital!  I can't even believe it, this is surreal to me.  I feel like I am going to work tomorrow like usual. Thank goodness I am not because it is 11:45 pm, my stomach has been killing me all day (what is the deal, geesh, its been doing this a LOT--of course I am sure working so many hours doesn't help...), and I am just beat!  I worked 16 hours today, and I am so happy I got to end my stint at USH on my favorite unit of all time: Children's!  

When the UND (the big boss there) found out it was my last day, she went above and beyond (she had already stayed there several extra hours beyond her normal shift), drove to the Cocoa Bean, and bought me a Nutter Butter Cupcake!  So delicious, never ever had it before, but it was so good! Who could make a cupcake taste like a nutter butter cookie??!  Well, they did it..

Anyways that was very nice of her, and she kind of has a reputation of being involved in kicking several long-term employees off of the unit...ahem..scary....but she said that if I ever needed a reference letter or anything, just let her know.  Sweet!  Way nice of her.  

I admit, I am really, really nervous about this whole California thing. After living in Utah for so long, I guess I have grown to appreciate it.  I don't think I want to stay in Utah forever or anything, or raise my family here, but I don't think I really want to raise my family in California, either. I love that state for its beauty. It has a lot of fun things to do.  But the culture there, and the lack of morals, and the economic mess....I just don't feel like its a good choice.  My whole family is there, though, which is the only reason I would consider staying there. I guess I will come to that bridge someday. 

Anyway, I am kind of glad I am not going to be working there anymore....It's been good, but man, it wears on you having to take care of people all day.  (Not that it isn't rewarding....but it is also stressful. My tummy is feeling better already.....)

Byeeee!! 

A Belated Post...

I swear, I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago, but it didn't SAVE, dang it!!

Anyways, one more week in Utah. I can't believe it! I feel like I am just going on vacation for a few days and will be coming back...I am totally in denial!

Let's see, what has happened in the last month......

1. Ashley's Bridal Shower......complete with a BYU Police Officer showing up!! HA!  "I'm sorry officer, it got a little crazy!"  I guess we set off some alarm with the door being held open..oops....

Can I say I love these girls?? OK well I just did, so get over it if you don't like it....Lisa, on the left, is so FUN.  She's one of those people who never over-thinks things and goes through life with a smile on her face.  She served a mission in BARBADOS...hello lucky....and the reason she told me she struggled with choosing to marry Grant (her NOW husband) (after they had only been dating a few week)s...when we had our late-night chats she said she loved going Latin dancing and she loved flirting with the men there! HAHA!  But then she said she realized that was a stupid reason, and now she is the happiest girl ever!  I miss having her around  :)  She kept me smiling and not taking life so seriously :) 

And Ashley....she is just amazing in so many ways as well!  She's one of those people who can walk in a room and tell a total stranger to their face that they are acting like an idiot, "but I love you anyways, just know that what you are doing is not OK."  And they LISTEN!  She could reach any of the girls that I sent her to when we worked together in Relief Society. She teaches such wonderful lessons, not only by precept, but by example.  She's also getting married this month!  

2. They must have talked about me in Ward Counsel, because all of a sudden, every committee was asking me to teach for them. I taught in Relief Society, and the following week I taught in Gospel Doctrine, and was also asked to teach the Temple class the same week (which obviously wasn't possible....) I am NOT complaining, though, because I have felt totally absent from this ward since I broke up with Peter and since I was the Relief Society President before I was made the Ward Directory co-person (which calling only lasts about a month, then you are just sitting around) I felt really happy to teach, and studying and preparing these lessons helped to strengthen my own faith, which I have felt has been struggling a little bit, so I am grateful for things that help to bolster it. 

3. The Temple. This week is my last week being a temple worker at the Provo temple. I have worked there now for 4 years and 4 months!  I have loved it so much. I don't know what I am going to do with myself not being a temple worker anymore!  It has been my life, my breath from week to week. It has really boueyed my soul.  OH man, if you don't go to the temple often (however you define that), you are really missing out.....I know it isn't always possible, believe me, but if it IS, and if you do it more frequently (within reason) and make a commitment to go a certain amount (whatever your goal..maybe even increasing your goal if possible), you will notice a huge difference in your life.  Not even kidding...I dare you to try it! and you learn something every time you go in there.  It's like spending more time with God, without other distractions.  Even by just sitting there, it refines the soul as you ponder and absorb the Spirit that is in the temple.  Satan isn't an influence in there, so you have so much more clarity, so much more of a good feeling.  OH its so beautiful, please go more often!  I was so glad Ashley asked me to work her shift for her a couple of weeks ago, I needed it :) 

4. I get to see this little girl SO SOON!!! YESSS!!!!  Courtney bought me a plane ticket to come see them on the 16th through the 21st..and I am so excited to see them!  :)  Maybe i am weird but I feel like a second mom or sister to this little girl....there is something special about being an aunt! I think me and Riv are kindred spirits. :)

Pretty Clouds, Wet Skies, and Family Love

This weekend went way too fast, but it was just what I needed.  Some time with family :) My cousin Sarah go married, which is why I came home :)  It was the perfect weekend! 

I LOVED her idea for a seating chart!  I never thought I'd want to seat people, but this made it all more organized and fun....Our names were printed out on little cardstock sheets with the table we were assigned to....

For the guest hand-out gifts, we all got these cute little bags of gourmet popcorn with "Sarah and Brian" printed on them (and the wedding date) Cute!

Also, I didn't get a picture (dangit!) But they had a PHOTO BOOTH!  you know, the kind you see at carnivals...with lots of cute props to take pictures with!  (Hats, funny glasses, feathery boa things...)  Then, when you took your pictures, it printed out a double copy of the pictures, so you could keep your 4, and so that you could past the other half of it into the SCRAPBOOK she had made up as her guest book!!  And you wrote some kind of a note and signed it by your picture if you wanted. SUCH a cute idea!!  

By the way, I never would expect the inside of an airport to look like THIS!  (I dont really get the "exotics" shoe type...I can only imagine..ha...only in Vegas)

And finally, amidst all the crazy fires we have had in Utah, we were blessed with a good, long, steady rain!  THANK YOU!!

(This one below is the American Fork Canyon fire....you could see it from my work!)

This lovely morning picture is something I am going to miss about Utah...you don't see mountains like this everywhere :( 

And this is my wonderful aunt, Ramona. She has lung cancer which has become brain cancer and cancer in some other places as well. :(  I hate cancer. Please, someone, think of a cure for it!  She's in so much pain. She's on the highest dose of chemo that they have and it is creating so many other problems in her body. 

OK these pictures are all over the place...but these below are from a walk I took from my apartment to the Provo temple one Sunday (yeah, pretty blessed to have a temple within walking distance!)

The End.