Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you are doing everything wrong??
This girl right here already has a serious guilt complex....and moving in with the family has been fantastic, and a challenge at the same time. I love my daddy to pieces....I can't even tell you how much I idolize him! I don't know what it is about little girls and their dads but it is true....:)
Anyways, I think moving back home has been an adjustment for the both of us. Case in point: So, I have been feeling a little bit like I've been told how to do EVERYTHING....down to using the right knife to cut things up and where to set my toothbrush down in the bathroom. I am so terrified to make a wrong move...and I want so badly to help out around here because I am basically mooching off of my dad and his wife, right? I am sleeping in my dad's computer room, my shoes are in the floor because there isn't another spot for them, my clothes are in the hallway towel closet....
So, I look around for things to do...and I try to do them...and every time I try, I get told that I am not doing it the right way. So, after awhile of this, I give up and stop trying to help because it just isn't going to be help anyways. The other day I expressed my feelings of "I feel so bad living here, I am such a mooch!" to which my dad responded, "Well, if you feel bad, then help out around here!"
Okay....catch 22. lol.....
I decide to request helping out by making dinner. But I let them know (while my step sister is in the room to buffer the tension...) "But, I don't know, because I feel like every time I try to help with something, I get told that I am doing it wrong or I get instructed how to do it." Step sister says, "Mom, you do have a tendency to boss people around." Step mom says, "Well, thats because there is a better way of doing it."...lol....
So they say that they will let me have the kitchen and not tell me how to cook..."Accept I will show you what pans to use..."
And tonight, that task was completed! I was grateful that I didn't get told what to do....and then my dad gives me some fish to cook, fish of which I have never even eaten before in my life..I look up some random recipe online...and it comes out kind of gross...lol...and then I feel awful for making this yucky dish and like I just proved that I need to be told how to do things.
The worst part is, though, I think I offended everyone, because usually there is chatter all through dinner and what not, some laughter, etc...but tonight, it has been DEAD SILENT. The entire house is dead silent. It's like you can cut the tension with a knife...
This is so weird...why am I blogging about this, I do not know. Maybe someone out there needs to know that they aren't alone? lol....And maybe this is all in my head and people are just being quiet because they are thinking about something else. Anyways...sigh....this is an adjustment!
But it is really great being able to see my family and I almost feel like I have been a horrible, negligent sister and daughter and maybe the Lord is helping me to reconnect with my family and mend broken things that I didn't even realize were broken.
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