Feeling Better :) Now....Help me pick one!

First of all, I want to thank ALL of you for your comments!!  Totally helped. :)  

Last night me and Rob had a little talk...and he said, "Shayna, what if I snapped my fingers right now and we were married?  How would that change things?"

What a brilliant man.  This question may not have worked in any other relationship I have had....or perhaps it would not have gotten the same results...but when I thought about it, I realized that if we were married (not that I've been married before)...but we would already BE MARRIED....so that means whatever freak outs I'd be having about marriage BEFORE marriage wouldn't really be feasable because they wouldn't STOP anything. I'd already be IN a marriage with him.  The worries I have now are not really things that are definitely going to happen, nor have they really been big issues NOW!  When I am with him, I feel great.  And it was honestly a miracle the way we got together! Ask my Utah friends..I did NOT want to go. I was so sad!!  I loved Utah so much!!!  Now, talking to my family, talking to those who know us, and also searching the feelings in MY heart, it just makes sense. :)  He is such an amazing guy and I appreciate him so much more as time goes by.  Of course there are things that I struggle with....I mean, no one is gonna be perfect.  But maybe it is those so-called "imperfections" that compliment My imperfections so very well.

It's not like this huge beam of light has hit me, its not like an overwhelming experience, in fact it is prettymuch like a little seed.  What do they say about little seeds?  Oh yes, if planted, it will grow.  And if I am rejecting the little seed, it isn't the seed's fault that it isn't growing.  It is my fault for not having good ground and letting it in.  And when seeds grow, there are oftentimes little weeds that get in the way, too.  I mean, unless its in a Martha Stewart catalog....which, lets face it, NOTHING I have ever done or created looks quite like Martha can do it.  But its fun to try.

So....which one do you like better? (PS....there isn't actually a wedding on at this moment...but a girl likes to start thinking, right???)

Apple Orchard Colors: 

Teals: 

Orange and Green: 

Yellows and Greys: 

  

Corals/Greys:

Navy and Lime:

Fall colors with Green Accents:

Ready? Go! 

Ugh...I don't understand.

Okay, okay.  So....Rob and I have been talking about getting married.  He is such a sweetheart, and when we get to talking about how we really feel and everything, I feel way closer to him and think he is fantastic.

And yet, last night, right before going into institute, I get this sick feeling come over me.  It was enough that I could not disguise, and Rob asked me what is up.  Tracing my thought processes, I had initially been listening to the lesson on Obedience by President Monson from Conference.  Then I got to thinking about whether or not I could handle Polygamy. For some reason, this has been uber on my mind lately. Maybe discussing eternal marriage does that, because I don't know HOW on earth I am supposed to populate a planet all by myself.  That's crazy.  Anyway, could I be obedient if we were asked to do polygamy?  I asked Rob if he would re-marry if we did get married and I died, and he said he would do what God told him to do.  Psh...cop-out answer, right?  I mean, how do I argue with that.  "I've never really thought about polygamy, so, I don't know...I mean, I wouldn't want to...."  Anyway, my mind got to thinking about it all, and out of the blue I got this really gross feeling inside.  Me and Rob talked about it, and I dismissed it as my thought process freaking me out....

But then, this morning, after I felt like we had talked it out, I woke up to that feeling again. And I hadn't even been thinking about Rob or polygamy or anything nonsensical...lol..  And then I felt like it didn't have to do with polygamy, but it certainly made me question if marrying Rob is the right thing to do.  And it felt peaceful at the same time.  Peaceful and sick....how on earth??  Peaceful that maybe it isn't right....and almost clear as a bell....and I've heard of people not feeling right about it and then feeling right about it later....which is so confusing to me lol.  I felt prompted to move out here. So did he. My patriarchal blessing would TOTALLY make sense in this scenario....seriously.....and when I met him I got that feeling, you know, that FEELING...

What I don't understand here is....Why would I feel like that?  Did any of you ladies get that feeling before you married your man?  Is it just because marriage is scary before you jump in? Am I going through the typical grieving process?  Is this normal?  I mean, we literally talked about a date....and how cute it would be to pick that date because it was the day of our FIRST date.  And that is in about 3 1/2 months....And then, all of a sudden, I am getting these feelings.  I've always been scared, like most people I'd say...but how do I know if this is the Lord telling me to STOP?