Okay, okay. So....Rob and I have been talking about getting married. He is such a sweetheart, and when we get to talking about how we really feel and everything, I feel way closer to him and think he is fantastic.
And yet, last night, right before going into institute, I get this sick feeling come over me. It was enough that I could not disguise, and Rob asked me what is up. Tracing my thought processes, I had initially been listening to the lesson on Obedience by President Monson from Conference. Then I got to thinking about whether or not I could handle Polygamy. For some reason, this has been uber on my mind lately. Maybe discussing eternal marriage does that, because I don't know HOW on earth I am supposed to populate a planet all by myself. That's crazy. Anyway, could I be obedient if we were asked to do polygamy? I asked Rob if he would re-marry if we did get married and I died, and he said he would do what God told him to do. Psh...cop-out answer, right? I mean, how do I argue with that. "I've never really thought about polygamy, so, I don't know...I mean, I wouldn't want to...." Anyway, my mind got to thinking about it all, and out of the blue I got this really gross feeling inside. Me and Rob talked about it, and I dismissed it as my thought process freaking me out....
But then, this morning, after I felt like we had talked it out, I woke up to that feeling again. And I hadn't even been thinking about Rob or polygamy or anything nonsensical...lol.. And then I felt like it didn't have to do with polygamy, but it certainly made me question if marrying Rob is the right thing to do. And it felt peaceful at the same time. Peaceful and sick....how on earth?? Peaceful that maybe it isn't right....and almost clear as a bell....and I've heard of people not feeling right about it and then feeling right about it later....which is so confusing to me lol. I felt prompted to move out here. So did he. My patriarchal blessing would TOTALLY make sense in this scenario....seriously.....and when I met him I got that feeling, you know, that FEELING...
What I don't understand here is....Why would I feel like that? Did any of you ladies get that feeling before you married your man? Is it just because marriage is scary before you jump in? Am I going through the typical grieving process? Is this normal? I mean, we literally talked about a date....and how cute it would be to pick that date because it was the day of our FIRST date. And that is in about 3 1/2 months....And then, all of a sudden, I am getting these feelings. I've always been scared, like most people I'd say...but how do I know if this is the Lord telling me to STOP?
7 comments:
Well, obviously, it's your heart/soul/mind, so you'd know best. But it seems to me you have a bit of anxiety about marriage. Lately, I've been dealing with my own anxiety about random stuff and wondering if Heavenly Father is "warning me" about bad stuff to come. But as I've thought about it, I don't think that's how Heavenly Father works. In fact, I think the opposite. I think that's how Satan works. He is the author of fear, confusion, anxiety, distress, and all those other bad things associated with anxiety. Heavenly Father is the author of peace, comfort, love, etc. Sure we can get warnings from the spirit, but I think they feel different. I've learned that Satan knows the best places, times, and things I will feel anxious about and he knows it will keep me from doing the things I need to do and from the spirit. I think the uncomfortable feeling would have been there before, kinda like it was with your previous relationships. Not just BAM as soon as marriage comes up. I also don't think Heavenly Father is going to tell you your future. You have agency, Rob has agency. Most likely you will both work on your marriage and be happy. Heavenly Father is not going to warn you that Rob may fail as a husband or father. Project yourself into the future and see how it feels to have Rob there with you. See how it feels to have him gone. I don't know if that will help or not, but I did that at one point while I was dating Mark and I got a for sure I would MUCH rather have him than not. I knew he was the kind of man I wanted to marry and I knew all the great things about him. I could speculate until I was blue in the face about the what ifs, but in the end that didn't matter, because that was something I had no control over. I took what I did know and went with that.
One more thing, (I know this is long), I had an epiphany the other night while I was feeling anxious over one thing or another. I realized that every time I let that fear or worry or "what if" take over my mind, I was essentially taking power and trust away from God and putting it on Satan. UGH! That realization immediately made me change my mindset and feel better. As my fear and anxiety melted away I realized it hadn't been a "warning" it had been my own fear. Maybe that is something you can try??
Ok enough is enough. I love ya Shayna! Good luck! You can figure this out!
Elaina
oh hello! :)
well here is my 2 cents.
1st on poligamy. i swear that topic would eat at me like nothing else. when i went to my mom about it she said her comfort comes when she realizes that when that time comes, it will make sense. when it's necessary, you will understand it more. and i don't know what sorce she got it from but she told me that it's not just one sided. it won't happen if you aren't ok with it, you have to decide that it's something you are ok with in your relationship before you will do it. it won't be forced on you.
and second....do you like john bytheway? he said that in marrying his wife he never got an answer so he told the Lord "i'm going to go buy a ring, if it's not what you want for us, let me know." and he did. " i'm going to propose, if it's not the right path, let me know" and he did. so maybe you guys decided to go in the direction of marriage and now the Lord is answering your prayers and thoughts. maybe it's not the right way.
THEN you are super super paranoid in this area so are you just freaking out and letting Satan give you all these doubts. in my experience of my 2 marriages there was no doubt in my mind when it was right.
the fact that you got that "feeling" at the beginning could easily mean that you knew he needed to be in your life at that time. you've learned a lot and you've experienced a lot with him. MAYBE it's that he is going to be your eternal companion but maybe not. Everyone has their free agency so things change.
Only Satan brings fear. Heavenly Father brings peace. Don't make rash decisions when you are feeling ify-make sure you feel comfort. If this isn't "the one" you will soon find our who is and you will go "OHHHHHHH THAT is what it feels like"
love you!
Shayna
These beautiful ladies gave great advice! I absolutely LOVED it! I'm kind of thinking your feelings have to do with anxiety like your friend elaina was saying. That seems to happen to me a lot. One way I figure out if it is from the Lord or anxiety etc is I go to the temple with the question and it is usually there that I figure out my answer... sometimes I have to go a couple of times but the Lord will answer!
You will figure out what is Best! Have Faith, Hope, and Courage!!!
Love you!
Of course I don't know what you're really experiencing; but here are 2 of my experiences. I was engaged to someone who I wanted to marry. When I prayed I got a yes answer. Then I got a no. Then yes. Then do whatever you want. And I wanted to marry him. But I kept feeling sick about it. It was deep in my gut and the feeling WOULD NOT GO AWAY. Sometimes I felt like my answer was yes and sometimes like it was no. It didn't make sense to me. No matter what I did that bad feeling was always there. So I didn't marry him. Shortly thereafter I had 2 strong feelings. One was that I was going to be in the RS Presidency and the other was that I was going to marry Carman (who I was not interested in at all). The next week was when I was called in the RS Pres. Carman started coming around a lot. We weren't even dating and I knew I was supposed to marry him. 100% confident. After a few weeks of officially dating, Carman proposed. Even though Heavenly Father let me know I was supposed to marry him in advance, I was still nervous at times. Usually I was butterfly in my stomach nervous as opposed to doomed feeling. After we got married Carman told me that there were several times when he wondered if he was doing the right thing and had thought about breaking it off. For him, the nerves were pretty strong at times and made him question his decision. Yet he always "knew" deep down. So, there you go. That's my story and hopefully it'll help you figure out your story.
Oh, and plural marriage and the possibility of Carman remarrying if I were to die are still thoughts I push from my head because they do nothing but upset me. When those thoughts come, I remember that I'll have nothing but joy in the celestial kingdom, no matter what the circumstances are. I've also convinced myself that it'll be a choice instead of a command. :) Anyway, plural marriage will NEVER (on earth) be an easy thought for me. Thus, I don't think it.
With Jonathan everything was easy. I hated being away from him and felt totally comfortable and at ease with him. I never got a YES GO MARRY HIM. It was more of a "this is the right thing". After marriage you need to work with each other and strengthen your relationship. Care, trust, and serve each other and you wont have to fear.
My missionary that I had dear johned. . . well I loved him and I know that if we had gotten married that we would have made it work. I got a feeling every time that I talked or thought about him that I needed to end things. The right thing was to marry Jonathan and so I did.
I totally agree with Sara. . . you are way too nervous and freaking yourself out. Maybe you just need to focus on other things right now and not stress about marriage. Continue to date Rob and trust him. Everything will work out.
Polygamy is always a hard thought. I think that in heaven we will have a greater understanding of things. Don't dwell on the negative things. Enjoy life and look on the bright side. Life is too short to worry about everything that could go wrong. If you do, you will just waste experiences and opportunities. Heavenly Father knows and loves you. He will NOT put you in a place or experience that you can not handle. If something bad does happen. . . learn and grow then move on.
Also along with everything I would go and read Elder Oak's talk "Good, Better, Best".
Good luck and let us know how things go!
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