In case I'm not friends with you all on facebook, I had to post this. My mom is such a fun lady, I love her. She has had some bad experiences in relationships sadly--you name it, she's been through the worst a dozen times over! And we all kind of grew up with it, too, as she finally got a divorce when I was sixteen--even then it was a huge adjustment for her and she hasn't had a boyfriend since, and now refuses to date or get married again. Though I think she deep down is ready for it, she just needs to feel confident again! But here is her statement, in response to several guys saying that there is a double standard out there--how oftentimes women expect things from guys that they themselves are not willing to comply with, and the guys are fed up...But here's what my mom had to say, and I think she makes some valid points:
"Well, Jeremy, naturally you have disrespectful persons in both genders. Enhance your calm, Jeremy. :)) What I mean by disrespectful is in terms of status. Although the status of women has greatly improved over the last 100 years or so, there are still issues that we have to deal with; like the fact that women still make in salary, on the average, only 70% of what a man does for the same job; if a man and a woman both apply for an upper management position, or executive position, statistics tell us that the man will be hired first; many men still can't get past the idea that they need to "be in charge" and that is simply not true. Many women resort to debasing themselves into crude objectivity because somehow they believe that the men have the money, which gives them the power. In order to get what they need to survive, many girls/women feel that, sadly, this is the way to get what they need or want because somewhere along the line, someone or something convinced them that they couldn't get it for themselves any other way, or they are otherwise economically disadvantaged. It's one of the most tragic social and economic truths that we live with. In a relationship for example, both parties should be making decisions, and no "one" person should be making final decisions without consulting the other. And women who attach themselves to men who are disrespectful, usually have low self-esteem issues. The problem with that is, outside of uniquely personal experiences, most girls are raised, through specific socialization based on preconceived notions, and certainly the media, to consciously or subconsciously believe that we are supposed to behave a certain way, or to put the man's needs ahead of our own, to be ultimately self-sacrificing, to negate our own dreams and goals in favor of the man's, or that once we have children, our personal lives or dreams should become insignificant. How sad is that? Some of this is why many women may behave in a "viciously disrespectful" manner. If you back the cat in a corner, in a manner of speaking, she is going to find some way to fight back, even if it makes no sense to the poor guy she's unleashing her displeasure on. realize it's difficult for guys to understand how girls are raised for the most part, and you have my sympathy for that, but I think they need to be more aware, and hopefully, don't make the same mistakes with their own daughters. If a girl is raised to believe that, essentially, she has no power over some of these things in life, or to use her looks/body to get what she wants/needs in life, then of course many of them will react accordingly. So, yes. Disrespectful. But first we must teach our daughters to respect themselves. The only way to do that, is to empower them as they grow. (wow....did I just type all of that?? LOL!!)
Congrats, you have made it to the end. ...Thoughts?
2 comments:
I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS
oh my, can I just say AMEN Shayna's mom haha
Now I am probably slightly bias because of the past that I have lived but I think your mom is a very wise woman when it comes to equality.
As woman of the church we may be a little bit more traditional than those feminists in the world, but I definitely agree that woman need more equality. I don't agree that men should be chosen first or paid higher in a position. I think that should be equal. It's just natural for the world to put us in a different category, and why?
To be honest, sometimes I don't understand some things in the gospel. We are so for equality in the church, man and woman work together equally, nobody is over the other, the priesthood doesn't give men the power over the woman, BUT they are the head of the house hold, they DO hold the priesthood, that is not a privilege we share (for which i am grateful). These are thing I have chosen to obey and just trust that it will make sense in it's own due time. And I do struggle with that being a victim of an abusive marriage, I may be a cynic when it comes to lovey dovey things sometimes, and i may be as feminist as I can be without being a lesbian that doesn't shave, but I have a testimony that gives me faith that I can find the right balance in this life and I will have that full understanding in the next
i heart your mom :)
sara
haha thanks Sara totally agreed. :) i heart my mom, as well. ;) And those are the same issues she struggles with and I think are part of her collection of reasons that she doesn't come to Church anymore. And I can totally see how that would be a reason to feel offended. Especially when all the men you have seen in your life, both growing up and then every relationship you have been in, are FAR from the ideal by being abusive in some way shape or form depending on the man. HOwever...back to the whole Priesthood thing...I think there are some things, like you said, we don't understand, but as a reminder, a man does NOT hold any power in his priesthood if he abuses his priesthood in the least. God takes that power away and that man is going to be punished, seriously punished, if he misuses it. And by misuse that is doing ANYTHING that is against God's will, because what the man holds is not any power of his own, but rather, the power to act in God's name here on the earth. That's the clincher--he HAS to do what God wants--he really has NO power whatsoever. He's to submit himself, completely and wholly, to the will of God. Talk about scary. Yet a very great blessing to the man that actually desires it and humbly and completely fulfills it. We can then trust that man to do all of his Priesthood leadership in complete love, complete care for those around him, without any selfish motivations. How much we need that, as women, to be loved and cared for as God would love and care for us if He were in our home. And what a strength and power WE are in rendering such love and care right back. (As we naturally have these qualities, if we so tap into them by being humble to God and submissive to His will ourselves.....which I think we struggle with quite a bit, because sometimes we demand it from the guys and yet we feel we can lash out at them and USE them because we "have claim upon (our) husbands" as the Proclamation says....I believe we do in fact take that way too far sometimes) It takes two, honestly! And I am certain God designed it that way because of our inherent natures--we naturally both strengthen, and also because of our weaknesses inherent in each of us, knock against each other like two stones tumbling, until, if we are sincerely striving, we become a very smooth and workable pair--and both halves are needed to make a complete, God-like person.
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